Secrets
by Lucia-Swanne
Summary: 16-year-old Lily Evans finds herself paying the Marauders much more attention than ever before, yet as concerning as it is, her focus leads her to learn secrets that were never intended to get out.
1. Notes

A/N: Hi all! Firstly, this story is written in dedication of one of my best friends' birthday. Rhet, you have been a truly wonderful companion through life, including 'The End' of our favourite thing EVER and _someone _moving to the other side of the country. I sincerely hope you have a magical birthday far far away from me, and tell 'Sirius' he needs to treat you like a princess today, moreso than usual that is! Rhet, this story is for you, and I truly hope you enjoy it! (Read down to get a description and all that, there's one thing that will bug you). Love and pickles forever, Swanne 3

Alrighty, so this story is from Lily's POV, and the level of attention she finds herself giving the infamous Marauders is concerning to her, yet she can't seem to stop. A lot less creepy than it sounds, and this a multi-chapter story, so more will be revealed as time goes on (yes, Rhet, you need to wait a little). The more she watches them, however, the more she manages to discover about their group, and soon she starts learning of some secrets that were never intended to get out. Hope you all enjoy this, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! I don't care if it's only a few words, but your feedback is insanely valuable to me, and constructive critisism is encouraged, so review! (and while you're at it, favourite me and the story ;) kidding!)

Disclaimer: Not even a little bit..damn..

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The first floor classroom fell quiet as Professor McGonagall completed her instructions for the lesson, leaving only the scratching of quills, turning of textbook pages and the occasional cough to break the silence. Twenty-six of the fifth year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were concentrating on their parchment due to McGonagall at the end of the week, an 8-inch essay on the mechanics of Vanishing spells in invertebrates, in preparation for their impending O.W.L.'s.

Lily Evans sat at her usual desk in the front row, essay already mapped out in her head and a quarter of an inch put in writing. Sweeping her long hair back from her face, she let her quill rest when finally noticing the absolute silence of the room.

Something was wrong.

Glancing up from her parchment, Lily watched as McGonagall began adding notes to the blackboard at the head of the classroom, her back to the students. As delicately as possible, Lily turned around to look directly three rows back, where instead of seeing the usual cocky smirk she was greeted by an array of untidy black hair bent in focus. Next to him, a similar mess of dark hair fell in the boys face as his hand practically flew across the parchment on his desk. The boy sitting at the end of their row was much more aware of his surroundings, smiling somewhat distractedly at Lily as he scratched the tip of his chubby chin with his quill, clearly deep in thought. The final chair was empty.

Something was seriously wrong.

"Miss Evans?"

Every head in the classroom shot up at the sound of McGonagall's voice, all eyes falling on Lily's now extremely red face. Never having been caught inattentive before, Lily instantly turned around to McGonagall's almost concerned expression, but not before seeing a pair of deep hazel eyes stare at her in confusion.

Taking a shaky breath, Lily murmured her apologies to the Professor before swiftly dipping her quill in her quick-drying ink and returning her gaze to her parchment. Re-reading her essay, Lily could barely focus on the words in front of her, mind too distracted by her sudden revelation to even register the gossiping from the girls two seats down. Instead, she let her mind wander.

Never had a class with _them_ been so quiet. Lily usually spent the entire lesson blocking out their incessant whispers and sniggering as they plotted their next prank to assault the school with. More often than not she was pulled from her studies by that infuriating Potter's declarations of love, all of which were delivered with that self-satisfied smirk that barely left his face in her presence.

Until now, Lily reminded herself. The confusion that appeared on his face was something she rarely saw, especially in this context. While that in itself was strange, it was nothing compared to watching all three of them genuinely put an effort into their work, a task never bothered with even when their most studious member accompanied them in class.

That was less strange. It had become a common occurrence to find Remus Lupin out of class every few weeks, and after a year or two most people learnt to stop asking why. The boy's explanation was always the same – a private family matter that called for him to leave the school a few days at a time. He always seemed nervous the days before his departure and unwell after returning, and while Lily longed to truly understand his reason for leaving Hogwarts, she knew it was not her place. He never failed to catch up on his classes, was always kind when responding to someone brave enough to ask about his trips, and if Dumbledore allowed it then it must be a worthy reason.

And yet, Lily never failed to notice the injuries Remus managed to acquire every time he left. He usually blamed his clumsiness on most of them, yet he by no means appeared any less than sure-footed around the school. On top of this, the other members of his group occasionally showed up with similar damage. While a part of her knew the amount of attention she payed them was worrying, it was impossible to miss the large gash that had marked Sirius Black's cheek a few months ago, a scratch that still hadn't truly healed, or the oddly shaped scar that Potter sported on his right calf – it was all connected somehow.

A sneeze drew Lily from her reverie, and she quickly made sure that no one had noticed her lack of concentration. A glance at the large clock above McGonagall indicated there were only five minutes of class left before lunch. How had she wasted that much time thinking? About _that_ group none-the-less?

Listening carefully, the silence was more palpable than ever. They had honestly gone an entire lesson without disturbing or harming anyone. Still, perhaps it was their plan to lull everyone into a false sense of security before jumping into action; it wouldn't be the first time.

Black was called to the front of the class just before McGonagall dismissed them, and Lily's purposeful delay in packing away her things permitted her to hear the end of the hushed conversation he was having with Potter.

"I'll do it," Potter said hurriedly, grabbing Black's notes from the Transfiguration lesson and adding them to his own.

"But James, come on, I haven't-"

"McGonagall wants you, now go before you get another _detention_," he stressed, leaving the other boy without another word. The crestfallen expression on Black's face quickly became anxious as he moved to the front of the class without even acknowledging Lily's presence.

Leaving after Potter and shutting the door behind her, Lily watched his retreating form with bewilderment. Firstly, since when did Sirius Black care about getting detention? He and Potter had both served their final detention with Filch just last night for releasing their old '_Monster Book of Monsters'_ textbooks into the second year dormitory two weeks ago. And secondly, where was Potter going that Black wanted to be? Wherever he was headed, it was not towards the Great Hall with the rest of the school for lunch, and Lily was certain it would not be good.

Silently lamenting the food she would miss for a second, Lily resolutely pushed her way through the crowd of students and made her way upstairs after Potter, making sure to keep a safe distance between them and remaining as quiet as possible. Whatever he was up to, it was obviously intended to be kept secret. When it came to Potter and his band of followers, that almost certainly meant something dangerous, and Lily refused to let him get away with it this time.

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A/N: Sooo, that was the first chapter. This was a little bit short, I know, but they do get longer as they story continues, I promise! As I said before, reviews=love so PLEASE leave even a few words of praise or advice (hopefully praise!) - my ego appreciates it. Rhet, I truly hope you enjoyed the first installment of your birthday present, and more will come soon (yes, I know you want it now, but that's not how it works, so be a little patient). Thanks for reading, Lucia-Swanne :)


	2. Infirmary

A/N: Hello all, here is the second chapter of Secrets. We start getting into the story here, finding out where James is going and what that could mean for Lily. As always, I really hope you enjoy it, and PLEASE review - it makes me a better writer, so then you will read me more, review more, make me a better writer, and the cycle shall continue until I can overthrow J.K. Rowling...or not. Either way, please take the time to write anything! And Rhet, I apologise for making you wait so long, however the way I see it, your birthday is continuing for ages! :) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If you read my A/N, I'm pretty sure you know.

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Emerging on the fourth floor landing, Lily placed herself behind a suit of armour and waited, sincerely hoping that it wasn't enchanted so she could maintain her cover. Watching in silence, Lily saw Potter glance around furtively before gathering the Transfiguration notes more neatly together and darting through the door leading to the Hospital Wing.

As curious as she was puzzled, Lily immediately moved from her hiding place and crossed the floor towards the infirmary. Who on earth would he be visiting? Black and Pettigrew were not doubt stuffing their faces in the Great Hall, Remus had left the school yesterday and was not expected in class for at least another two days, and as far as Lily was aware, nobody from the Quidditch team had serious injuries needing attention. There was no one left that Potter cared about, and he was unquestionably in good health himself, so what brought him to the Hospital Wing in the middle of lunch?

Reaching the door, Lily realised that discovering Potter's secret could be more difficult than she first imagined. She had no legitimate reason to be on the fourth floor now, nor to visit the infirmary, and if she was caught lingering around here without an excuse she risked ruining her plan.

Wracking her brain for anything that could aid her, Lily suddenly remembered the extra credit essay she had agreed to write for Professor Slughorn on the benefits of Murtlap Essence which she had intended to research this afternoon in the library. There would be no better person to ask about the concoction than Madam Pomfrey, who would certainly use it on a regular basis and know of its properties almost as well as Professor Slughorn himself.

Lily quickly pulled her potions book from her bag and prepared herself to catch Potter out, unsure of what she would find on the other side of the door but confident that it was something forbidden. Why else would he be sneaking around the castle acting so suspiciously?

Reminding herself that she was indeed doing the same thing, Lily opened the door as quietly as possible, hoping to catch Potter in the middle whatever he was doing. Moving into the room silently, her expectations were shattered as a voice she knew all too well spoke out softly.

"You really needn't worry, James, it was-"

"Don't you dare try and tell me it was fine, Remus John Lupin, when I can see very well it wasn't! I knew we should have skived, I knew this wouldn't end well. Just wait until Sirius sees you!"

Lily struggled to keep from making a noise in shock. Remus was supposed to be with his family, not lying in the Hospital Wing. Why would he need to be in here, and why did Potter and Black obviously know about it? If he was here, Madam Pomfrey was aware of it, and therefore Dumbledore was too. Had the whole story about visiting his family been contrived to cover up his incidence here? And if so, what, or who, put him here on a regular basis?

For the first time, Lily questioned whether she had made the right decision in following Potter. She had never considered that it would involve Remus, let alone something that was clearly a secret involving more than just them. With teachers implicated in the matter, Lily knew she shouldn't be there. Thankfully the boys were not aware of her presence, their voices resonating from behind the closed curtain of the final bed, and she planned to slip out in the next opportune moment despite the curious side of her screaming to stay and listen.

"Skiving on detention would have only made things worse, you know that as well as I do. And as for Sirius, he won't be seeing me until tomorrow afternoon if you keep up your end of the bargain."

It must be something serious if Remus didn't want Black visiting, but that in itself was odd. The pair was as close as Black and Potter seemed, rarely seen without the other, and for Remus to request his absence meant Lily was listening in on something incredibly important.

"I'll do everything I can to keep him away, but you know how he is. And for the record, I think you're being ridiculous," Potter said.

"Thank you, and for the record, it's my decision."

Lily heard a faint rustling noise, like Remus was shifting on his bed, and then suddenly Potter huffed loudly.

"Sirius doesn't care about _that_ and you know it!" he cried indignantly. "He's worried about you and–"

"James!" Remus said firmly, effectively ending the conversation.

Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, Lily took a few quiet steps back towards the door, letting her hand rest on the knob and waiting for them to begin speaking again, hoping their voices would mask the sounds of her leaving. If they caught her hiding in here, their reactions would not be something Lily wanted to experience.

Listening carefully, she could make out the continuous rustling that she heard before, only now it seemed much more deliberate and was accompanied by an occasional sloshing sound.

"For Merlin's sake, would you stop being such a proud bastard and let me help you? I know it stings and you can't reach the ones on your back by yourself."

Beneath the obvious frustration in his voice, Lily heard a misery that made her truly worry for Remus' wellbeing. If Potter was that upset by it, and Remus wanted Black kept away, something terrible was happening to Remus Lupin.

She heard the sloshing sound again, followed by a loud hiss that Lily expected came from Remus. As she continued to stand there listening, her heart pulled at the noises that continued to spill from behind the curtain, Potter's quiet whispering accompanying Remus' gasps and long, drawn out moans that left Lily shaking in her attempts to keep herself together. She didn't know Remus that well, but to hear him in that much pain was all too much for her, and so Lily found herself wrenching the door open to escape the sounds.

Unfortunately for her, the door creaked loudly from being opened that fast, and the whispering stopped instantaneously.

Making sure she looked presentable and not at all upset, Lily held her breath as Potter emerged from behind the curtain and observed her with the same confusion that she saw in class, only this time there was a faint redness to his eyes that gave away his own emotions.

"Lily? What are you...?" he trailed off, a hint of suspicion in his voice. Lily couldn't help but notice the cloth in his hand, stained yellow from use, and wondered vaguely if he was using Murtlap Essence on Remus. It would explain the colour of the cloth and the pain Remus was experiencing...

"I-I was just...umm...is Madam Pomfrey in?" she stumbled, cursing her inability to keep herself together. She was not supposed to know anything about Remus, and so Lily forced her face into what she hoped was a calm and curious expression.

"She's with Dumbledore in his office. Won't be back until class starts."

There was finality to his voice that startled Lily. He had hardly ever spoken to her without some sort of suave and seductive undertone, but it was obvious to her that he was too affected by Remus to bother trying anything on her.

"Oh, okay, thanks...I-I'll just..."

Lily shut the door abruptly and leant against it for a moment, taking in the gravity of what she had just done. She had followed Potter after doubting his motives, and discovered a lie that involved not only Remus and his friends, but teachers and the Headmaster. She had snuck into the Hospital Wing and eavesdropped on a private conversation all because she was curious, and still was. What was '_that'_ that Remus seemed so set on keeping from Black, and what did it have to do with Remus' appearance in the Hospital Wing?

With so many questions flying around in her head, Lily hastily made her way back down to the Great Hall for lunch, beginning to question if maybe Potter was beginning to rub off on her.

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A/N: So there you go - Lily is beginning to find out some information that could potentially harm the Marauders. In the following chapters, you will see her become even more enthralled. PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks guys, and will update soon hopefully! Love Lucia-Swanne :)


	3. Patrols

A/N: Hello all, here is the third chapter of Secrets! I am aiming to continue posting a chapter a week, and if everything complies with my plan, this story will have 10 chapters. The last couple may take a little longer than a week if I get behind (end of uni is fast approaching!) but I will do my best to pump these out weekly to keep you guys (particularly Rhet) happy. This chapter shows Lily's slow descent into obsession, with fate intervening to provide her with yet more information about Remus' strange disappearences. Just to reiterate, this will actually become L/J, NOT L/R, so don't be concerned by the obsession - it will all make sense and turn out right in the end. As always, I BEG you to PLEASE review, even if its a one-word response - all feedback is valuable to me! Now enough of me, and on with the show. I give you chapter 3 - Patrols! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Maybe a little, if you squint and turn your head to the left...no, the other left...nothing? Not even a little bit? Oh...alright then...

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"Are you sure you're okay, Lily?" asked Tom, a Hufflepuff prefect she was patrolling with that night, for the third time. "You seem a little preoccupied."

"Yes, of course," Lily sighed, turning the corner towards the end of the corridor. "I suppose O.W.L. study is getting to me."

Tom nodded understandingly before informing her that he would continue to watch the fifth floor while she went up to the sixth, leaving her waiting for the staircase to arrive.

Obviously her excuse was a lie. She hadn't been able to keep her thoughts from wandering back to the Hospital Wing all afternoon, imagination running wild as to what was going on behind that curtain. Remus had to be severely hurt by the sounds he made, and yet his best friends were in on the secret. Why wouldn't they try and prevent whatever was happening to him?

Putting this in perspective, Lily felt a great deal of respect for Remus. Not only was he top of his classes alongside her, but he was a fellow prefect and appeared the perfect candidate for Head Boy in their final year. He took on that much responsibility despite what he was going through, and still managed to keep his grades near perfect. That took a great deal of courage in Lily's eyes, and she vowed that from now on she would give Remus the praise he deserves. If they became closer he might disclose his secret to her, and then she could help him too.

With a jolt of realisation, Lily found herself in the middle of the sixth floor corridor, seemingly too lost in thought to notice her unconscious movement. Bringing her full attention back to patrolling, deciding to continue her thought process later, she noticed a voice reverberating through a door at the end of the floor.

Moving swiftly towards the classroom, Lily tried to get her head back into prefect-mode. This student was out of bed at night, something that was strictly forbidden, and would be losing their house some valuable points. Hopefully it wasn't someone from Gryffindor.

"We need to stop before this happens again," urged a male voice, tinged with emotion and complemented by frantic footsteps. It sounded vaguely familiar to Lily, but whoever it was spoke too quietly to properly identify.

"How can we just _stop_? Besides, the chances of it coinciding again, it just won't happen."

That voice was much louder, obviously not concerned about their whereabouts at all, and Lily recognised James Potter straight away. If he was out of bed at night, then the other person must be...

"Sirius, please calm down," implored the whiny voice Lily knew as Peter Pettigrew.

"I am calm!"

Hearing the heavy footsteps pacing back and forth, Lily moved forward slowly and came to a stop directly outside the door. While a dangerous place to wait, it was Potter and his cronies that were breaking school rules, and she had every right to break up the conversation.

And yet, Lily could not bring herself to open the door and tell them off. After all, this was surely a sign that her strange fixation on the group was not without reason. They're all sneaking around and hiding something awfully important about Remus, and with fate guiding her to them tonight, it was clear that something greater than her intended for Lily to keep an eye on them.

At least, that what she would keep telling herself.

"He was fine," Potter announced rather timidly, as if scared of their reaction.

The pacing stopped. "If he was fine then you would let me see him, and as it is, you've been keeping me away all day. I may seem like one sometimes, but I'm not a fool, so don't patronise me, Prongs."

"He's just trying to–"

"Protect me? Yeah, that's what you keep telling me. Funny how it doesn't feel like that, especially when he will see you but not me," Black retorted, an edge to his voice that Lily had never heard directed at Potter. They were best friends after all, brothers as they claimed, but Black spoke as if he was hurt, if not a little jealous. Was he really that offended by Remus' decision?

"I'm sorry," sighed Potter. "You know I don't like it either, but he's just being a superficial idiot as usual. Anyway, he'll be let out tomorrow afternoon and you can see him then."

Lily froze in place as someone passed by the door, their shadow blocking the thin shaft of light running along the ground briefly. There was a single moment of silence before a deafening crash sounded, causing Lily to jump in fright as an involuntary squeak left her mouth. Her hand immediately shot to her mouth, but not before the frantic movement from within the classroom paused.

"Sirius, I know that you're upset, but someone will be patrolling by here any minute and if we're caught out of bed again..." Peter rattled quickly, anxiety clear in his voice.

Lily let out a breath she wasn't aware of holding; they hadn't heard her, then.

"That's exactly what I've been saying – we can't afford to get anymore detentions. I hurt him once, and now I've done it again all because of a stupid prank. It's not fair he suffers because of me."

"Would you tone down the self-deprecation please?" Potter proclaimed loudly, almost begging for Lily to walk in and catch them. "I feel bad too, _and_ I suggested the whole thing in the first place, so just relax. He isn't concerned about any of that; he just wants to move on like always."

Lily's brain was now moving at a million miles per hour, attempting to piece together everything she had observed over the past day.

Firstly, something was horribly wrong with Remus, something that his friends and even Dumbledore knew about. It was affecting him both physically and psychologically, regardless of what Potter said, and because of it he was avoiding Black. He would leave the school regularly, if that was even true, and return bruised and beaten, and yet everyone seemed to accept what he went through, all except Black. He obviously doesn't agree with whatever is causing Remus' injuries, so then why would Remus continue to leave? Unless he has no choice in the matter...

Secondly, Black seemed certain that their pranking and detentions were somehow influencing Remus' wellbeing, though how that could even be possible was beyond Lily. During Remus' trips the rest of the group remained, and there appears no feasible method of communication between them in that short a time period, but the certainty with which Sirius spoke could mean nothing else – Remus did not leave the school during his time out of classes, and the other three maintained close contact with him while he was supposedly far away.

And finally, Black had mentioned hurting Remus before now. Lily could recall the time, though no one other than the four truly knew what had happened. Earlier in the year, the entire school had been taken aback by Potter's sudden disassociation with Black. They did not speak for what seemed like weeks, glaring at each other fiercely across the dining table at mealtimes. However, this was nothing compared to the reactions Remus had – he went on about his daily routine normally like nothing had happened, but acted as if Sirius Black did not exist at all. Known for his friendly nature, even the teachers seemed at a loss as of what to do with them all. Somehow they resolved the matter privately and resumed their friendship as usual, but it seemed that the issue was originally between Remus and Sirius, and that it still haunted Black months later.

Even with all the information she had, Lily could not truly grasp how it connected. The detention Black appeared so concerned about fell on the night Remus hypothetically left the school, the night on which he received injuries worse than usual. Did Black perhaps spend these nights with Remus, protecting him from whatever caused him harm? It would certainly explain his attachment to the boy, as well as his dismay towards being caught again.

But all that aside, there was still the simple fact that Dumbledore allowed Remus the time away, allowed whatever he went through to happen. That did not make sense at all, and the more Lily turned it over in her head, the more confused she became. At every small answer another question sprung forth, and being so late at night, she couldn't keep thinking straight for long.

Hearing movement again from within the room, Lily contemplated turning them in and taking away house points. After all, they were breaking school rules, and it was Lily's responsibility as a Prefect to discipline them accordingly. That knowledge did not stop the nagging voice inside from reminding her of Black's main worry – receiving detention could ultimately put Remus in more danger.

The internal battle raged on as a voice drifted into the corridor, this time from the other direction.

"Lily?" Tom called, echoing noisily through the empty hallway. "What's kept you so long? Find someone hiding out?"

She turned immediately, hearing everything in the room beside her quiet just as quick. Tom lumbered towards her slowly, peering around the hall as if he suspected another presence.

"No," Lily replied breathlessly, moving away from the door as fast as possible without drawing attention. "I haven't seen anyone except you all night." It wasn't an outright lie; she truly hadn't laid eyes on another student, but that didn't mean she hadn't caught someone.

"Well, good," he replied, jerking his head towards the staircase. "Let's get going, we were supposed to finish patrolling ten minutes ago."

Praying Potter and his pals were smart enough to stay hidden until they left, Lily practically ran after Tom until they had gone their separate ways. Breathing a sigh of relief, she manoeuvred her way up the weaving stairways until reaching Gryffindor Tower.

Settling into bed finally, Lily forced thoughts of Remus and his disappearances from her mind as best she could. She couldn't afford to be lenient towards them again, no matter the consequences. Rules were rules, and Lily would perform her duty. Besides, she wasn't supposed to know anything about Remus' secret, so from now on she would act as if she had never followed Potter that day.

Closing her eyes, Lily fell into a restless sleep that would no doubt leave her tired and irritable the next morning, dreaming of a deceptively large room filled with horrible figures looming over her...

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A/N: Keeping it short and sweet - hope you enjoyed this chapter - particularly you Rhet, the next one will be up in about a week, and REVIEW=LOVE! Lucia-Swanne :)


	4. Library

A.N: Hi all! Trying to keep this quick seeing as I'm almost running late for uni and am not even dressed yet (naughty me) - here is chapter 4, Library. This is a very important chapter, for reasons I will not immediately disclose, see you at the bottom for more on that! There is one more thing that needs to be addressed though, and I apologise to those that are uncomfortable with this, but it only recently developed when writing chapter 5 when I realised Sirius didn't have a proper secret, so there will be elements of slash in the upcoming chapters. When I say _elements_, I mean that it will not be full on at all, will remain semi-unrequited for the duration of the story, and obviously will not contain anything even remotely resembling smut. Once again, I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, and I will be flagging the chapters containing anything looking like slash so you know beforehand. Thanks to those that are sticking with me, and for now everything is on schedule, so you should be able to enjoy these every week. Happy extended Birthday Rhet, see you all after the chap, and I hope you enjoy it! REVIEWS ARE AS AMAZING AS CHEESE (which is pretty amazing, if you think about it) ;)

Disclaimer: Hahahahahahahahha...no.

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Thank heavens for the weekend.

That was all Lily could think as she attempted yet again to wrangle her hair into a bun. Staring intently at the pages in front of her, she rubbed the dark circles beneath her eyes and sighed. Of course she had failed to keep Remus and his secret from her mind, waking constantly throughout the week with vivid images of grand unnamed creatures coming at her from all sides.

As if that wasn't enough, Lily found herself under the scrutiny of James Potter for the days following their nightly escapade. She would often feel his eyes on her, and while it was not strange coming from him, whenever they locked eyes there was an air of caution in his that worried her. If he knew what she had found out about his friends then he certainly would not hesitate to act, that much she understood. Potter claimed to be passionately in love with her, but there was no argument as to who he would choose if it came down to it – his friends meant the world to him.

Leaving the dormitory that morning, Lily had made her way down to the one place Potter wouldn't disturb her – the library. After all, she hadn't managed to speak with Madam Pomfrey about Murtlap Essence, and Slughorn would be expecting her essay in the following week, so why not kill two proverbial birds with one stone?

But, as was common these days, her mind was far away from potions. Instead, it lingered three rows over in the fatal injuries section of the library, entreating her to explore the many tomes detailing possible answers for Remus' disappearances. It was none of her business, and there was no guarantee she would even like what she discovered. Who knows what her reaction would be to such news, and if it resembled Black's even remotely, Lily doubted that she would be able to keep the secret to herself.

Re-reading the opening paragraph for what felt like the hundredth time, Lily tried to concentrate of each word – _Murtlap Essence, a distinctive yellow emulsion made primarily from strained and pickled Murtlap tentacles, is commonly used as a soothing agent on harsh cuts and abrasions. Its healing properties extend across a vast number of injuries, though most venom, such as __Acromantula and vampire, is immune to its talent..._

Lily found herself crossing vampires and spiders off her imaginary list before she could stop herself. Clenching her eyes shut, she internally chided herself for behaving so irrationally and slammed her book shut. As much as she needed to finish the essay, Lily valued her sanity more, and if she had any chance of saving it, she needed to get away from anything that could possibly remind her of that group.

Standing with her bag, she placed the book back on its shelf and headed towards the door. Unfortunately, it was located just beyond the fatal injuries bookshelf, and as much as Lily wanted to keep walking, her feet stilled.

One quick look through the titles couldn't hurt.

Letting her bag fall by the door, Lily allowed herself to wander down the passage slowly, eyes darting across title after title. Each book she came across seemed to focus on particular wounds or inflictions, and while detail was something Lily usually valued, she knew too little of Remus' condition to warrant looking in any of them. If she could find an encyclopaedia-type book then perhaps there would be a chance of uncovering it, but the likelihood didn't seem high given the diminutive size of the shelf; most books on the subject were located in the restricted section and required special permission from a Professor to attain. While the thought was appealing, the idea of walking up to Professor McGonagall and explaining her odd fascination with Remus Lupin would certainly not help her to get into the Restricted Section. In fact, that would more likely get her sent to the Hospital Wing than anywhere.

She vaguely heard the door to the library open and shut, followed by a pair of footsteps a few bookshelves down, but Lily's focus was on the volumes in front of her.

Pausing at a book entitled _'Anything but Charming: Spells Gone Wrong'_, Lily sighed quietly and removed it from the shelf. If she planned on figuring this out, she needed to start looking somewhere, and with Charms being her best class it seemed a good place to begin.

Dusting off the cover slightly, Lily opened to the contents page and scanned through the chapters for anything that sounded familiar, her focus completely on the book until a voice broke her concentration.

"Do we really have to sit in here on a weekend?" they groaned from somewhere behind her.

"You do if you want to see me, and considering you've barely left my side in two days I assume that is what you want," replied the voice Lily knew immediately as Remus Lupin.

"What can I say? I can't get enough of you!" was Black's sarcastic response.

Remus had returned two days ago as usual, drawing little attention to himself and focusing on his studies. As he said, Remus had not been seen without Black since his return, Lily's newfound concentration on them leading her to notice the care Sirius took with him. Never before had she seen the softer side of Black, and yet it only seemed apparent when with Remus, that amount of attention rarely paid to Potter or Pettigrew in her presence. Perhaps due to the falling out between them earlier in the year, their relationship appeared much more private than that of Black's with Potter, who flaunted their friendship and 'brotherhood' daily.

"Well I can, and we both have Quidditch practice in an hour so you might want to hurry up and get ready," interjected the ever-loud voice of Potter. Of course he would be with them, but then that left Pettigrew somewhere alone, something Lily couldn't quite imagine. The boy appeared no more than a follower, tagging along after Potter like he was a God, doing nothing to help the others ego.

"Fine," Black grunted, and Lily could hear the scraping of chair legs on the wooden floor as they moved to leave. They would need to move right by her to get to the door, and it was only then that Lily fully comprehended her situation. Potter was already suspicious of her, and reading a book in the fatal injuries section would further his scrutiny of her. She needed to leave.

Sliding the book back into place, Lily was sure she could use another exit and make it out of the library before either boy caught sight of her. Turning to grab her bag, realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks – she had left it sitting right by the door.

Furious at her mistake, she shrunk back into the passage and prayed that they wouldn't notice her bag. Lily heard Remus bid them a quiet goodbye as the pair moved through the walkway right next to her. Feeling like a child waiting to get caught trespassing, she held her breath and waited as she was hit with a great sense of déjà vu from Tuesday night. She had frozen just like now, and that situation hadn't exactly ended well. A feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that this wouldn't either.

The library door screeched open and one pair of footsteps grew fainter, though the second pair stopped.

"Are you coming or not?" Sirius' barely audible voice called from out in the third floor corridor.

"I'll meet you down at the pitch, I left something with Remus."

Lily was sure she felt her heart stop momentarily at the sound of the library door clicking shut, the library falling into almost silence once again. Footsteps did not lead back in the direction of Remus, nor did they move towards her. In fact, there were no footsteps to be heard, and Lily began to question if Potter remained in the library as he said.

"Evans."

Lily's chest thudded in shock as she turned to find him leaning idly against the shelf behind her with her bag in his hand. Expecting his infamous smirk to finish off the image in front of her, Lily was surprised to find the now familiar look of puzzled contemplation on his face, making her even more nervous.

Turning her attention to her bag, Lily quickly regained her composure. "Thank you. I'd forgotten where I left it." She went to take it from him, though he remained still, eyebrows creasing together in thought. Shifting uncomfortably under his gaze, Lily asked if he wanted anything in the hopes he would just return her bag and leave.

"Why did you cover for us? I mean, we were breaking school rules being out at night, and you've proven more than willing to take points from us before," he reasoned, moving closer until there was barely any room left between them. "Unless you thought you could learn something from eavesdropping."

Lily could feel his breath on her cheek as he leant forward. "Whatever you think you heard that night isn't true. Stop thinking about it and stop trying to treat this like a challenge."

The harshness in his voice shook her, and she took a step back from him just as he let her bag fall to the floor. There was no way he could possibly know about her internal battle over the truth, yet he spoke like he too was in her head.

"I know you. You need to understand everything, and if you don't, you keep studying and observing and questioning until you do; you won't let anything beat you," he all but whispered. "But this isn't just some puzzle you can solve, Evans. This is his _life_ you're messing with, and he has to deal with enough every month without you treating him like a research subject."

Lily's face felt like it was on fire. Despite being so careful, Potter had discovered her secret. Had she really been that noticeable? And to think, less than a week ago she had treated Remus like any other student, and now she was sneaking around investigating him without regard for anything but her own curiosity. What had she become?

"Please just drop it and back off. Moony didn't ask for any of this to happen, and the least he deserves is a break from thinking about it. And you don't need to worry; we look after him and keep him as safe as possible. Just leave him be."

Without waiting for a reply, Potter turned and left the library, leaving Lily's mind reeling.

Despite his words being a warning, Lily couldn't help but notice some of the things he said. He had mentioned what he went through every _month_, a connection Lily had never truly made. Obviously she had noticed Remus leave every few weeks, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Whatever was affecting him occurred monthly without fail.

The other thing that stood out was his use of Remus' nickname. Everyone had heard their strange titles used before, and while no one truly knew what they related to, it was all beginning to click in Lily's head.

They called Remus 'Moony', clearly relating to the moon. He disappeared like clockwork every four weeks. He would reappear with scratches and bruises covering his visible body with no real explanation of where they came from, as did his friends. He had no choice in what happened to him, and both Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore were well informed on the subject.

Suddenly it all made perfect sense. Potter had just unintentionally aided Lily in figuring out Remus' great secret by telling her to never think about it again.

"Oh no."

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A/N: OMG LILY KNOWS! yes folks, Lily has figured out Remus' secret, and there are only more to come! PLEASE REVIEW, otherwise my reference to cheese at the top just looks silly! :) Lucia-Swanne


	5. Blood

A/N: Hey there readers, here is chapter five of Secrets! This chapter involves a lot of drama, and begins the slippery slope to Lily's inevitable breakdown (also contains the slightest bit of slash, but only if you squint!). As I'm sure you remember from last chapter, Lily has discovered Remus' secret, but that isn't the only one she will find along the way, so there will be more! Once again, a continued happy birthday to Rhet, and I hope you enjoy this (the slash isn't bad, I swear!), and to all of you as well, enjoy this! I have listened to the request of a few readers (Rhet included) for the chapters to be longer, so I have written this one quite a bit longer in the hope that I can appease you and keep you interested! Also, there might be (and it is a 'might', not yet a 'will be') a small delay for chapters following number six, so I'm writing more to hopefully prevent anger - please remember I'm at uni people :) Will let you know the status of possible delays when I post six next week on time! As always, I will shamelessly beg for reviews of any length or description - *shamelessly begs*...PLEASE REVIEW ME and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I'm not british, I don't have blonde hair, I don't have children and am not married, I'm merely 18...but if you want to believe I'm J.K, go right ahead :)

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Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

_Remus Lupin_ was a werewolf.

Remus Lupin was a _werewolf_.

No matter how hard she tried, Lily couldn't keep the phrase from circling around and around in her head, distracting her from her dinner to the point of worrying her friends about her recent habits.

"You really haven't been eating much of late, Lily, or concentrating on our homework. I don't mean anything by saying this, but maybe consider..." Lily heard Marlene murmur faintly until she realised no one was actually listening.

While she wanted desperately to reassure her friend that she was perfectly fine, that would be a lie. Ever since her revelation in the library, she had hardly stopped herself from going straight to Remus and explaining everything. The guilt she felt was eating away at her, begging for the boy to forgive her for prying into his private life and discovering such a terrible secret.

And yet, the guilt actually made her internal list of questions far longer than it had ever been – when did it happen to him? Who bit him, and how had he handled it? How did his family feel? How did Dumbledore feel? Where did he go every month to transform? Was it even possible for his friends to keep him safe from _himself_? How had they found out about it?

"Lily!"

Head darting up, she found a few sets of eyes looking warily at her. Marlene raised her eyebrows in question of her strange behaviour, an anxious look on her face.

"I'm sorry for being so distant; I've just had a lot on my mind lately. I suppose everything is getting to me a little, and I just worry about…"

Without meaning to, her eyes had strayed towards Remus' usual seat at dinner, which was surprisingly empty, as was the one next to it. Potter and Pettigrew sat across from the vacant seats, chatting quietly to each other, and neither seemed concerned that their friends were missing.

"Oh, that's what you're worried about."

Exceptionally confused and a little concerned at Marlene's apparent logic, she brought her attention back to her friend. Could she really know what had Lily so on edge?

"Look, I know that Lupin is smart, but look at the amount of class he misses! There's no way he will beat you in the OWL's, I promise you. You've been studying for months, revising every class until you could probably teach it yourself. Stop stressing about exams and just relax a little, okay? We still have time, and everyone knows that you will be top of the year."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Lily quickly responded, "Yes, I suppose you're right. If you don't mind, I might head back upstairs and clear my head a little."

Nodding understandably, Marlene went back to her food and Lily took the opportunity to leave the table. Reaching the door and feeling a pair of eyes on her, she glanced around to find Potter staring intently at her, and Lily hastily left the hall for fear of him understanding her actions yet again.

The path to Gryffindor Tower took much less time than usual, the staircases moving to accommodate her chosen path quickly so that Lily found herself at the portrait in no one at all. Reciting the password, she clambered through the portrait hole and into the Common Room to find it empty.

Relieved that she would not need to explain herself to anyone, Lily began heading towards the girls dormitory stairs, visualising herself taking a long hot shower and curling up in bed early.

But, as usual, the sudden knowledge of her housemate prevented Lily from truly thinking. She paused at the foot of the stairs, glancing over towards the opposite wall which housed the boy's dorms, wondering if Remus had stayed back from dinner too. She wanted nothing more than to confess her actions and commend him on his perfectly heroic behaviour in spite of his condition.

Making the decision before she could stop herself, she marched over to the other staircase and quickly ascended, silently thankful that Dumbledore had not enchanted this entrance as he had the girl's, allowing her to reach the fifth year door without interruption.

Knocking quietly on the door, Lily ran through the conversation in her head.

"_Remus, I hate to tell you like this, but I couldn't help but notice some things over the past week that have led me to..."_

No, that wouldn't do.

"_I was just so concerned about the injuries you've been getting! I did a little research and..."_

James would kill her.

"_I know what you are."_

Far too blunt.

Was there any way to word it right? How do you tell someone that you have just figured out their deepest darkest secret in a week? And what would his reaction be? Remus was a calm and logical person, and while Lily was sure he would be upset, he would never respond badly...would he? She had never once seen him raise his voice or lash out at another person, but that didn't mean he hadn't. After all, every textbook on the subject insisted werewolves were aggressive and hostile, and she hadn't disregarded academia before, but Remus just couldn't fit the descriptions they gave; Dumbledore would not have allowed him to be around students if there was any chance of an accident.

Even with that logic, Lily found her nerves increasing as light footsteps moved towards the door. Steeling herself for any possibility, she took a deep breath and waited for Remus, sincerely hoping that the textbooks had been right about one thing – werewolves are at their most relaxed following the full moon.

The door flew open to reveal Sirius Black standing in only a pair of jeans, eyes full of caution as they fell upon her. Momentarily confused by his lack of clothing, the light streaming into the dimly lit dormitory from the common room highlighted a large red gash running across his abdomen, blood dripping slowly down and staining his trousers.

Before Lily could even draw breath to voice her concern, Remus appeared beside him in the doorway.

"I told you not to move," he admonished quietly, pushing Sirius back into the room before turning to Lily. "Sorry about that."

"What on earth happened to him?" Lily asked, her stomach knotting in worry. Despite her best attempts, images of the pair arguing flashed before her eyes, Remus lunging at Black...

"We all question that," he replied oddly. "Perhaps his mother dropped him on his head incessantly as a child..."

The humour in his tone was relieving, as was the mock-offended call of Black from within the room, though she couldn't remove the mask on concern from her face. Obviously Remus noticed this too, as he added, "He was just being an idiot really, trying to make me feel better."

"By slicing open his own stomach?" she cried, unable to keep the disbelief from her voice.

Remus became noticeably uneasy, shifting slightly and peering back into the room before sighing quietly. His face fell in anxiety and shame as he moved further outside the dormitory towards Lily.

"I didn't _ask_ him to cut himself until he bled! You know Sirius; he just acted on impulse and did it before I had a chance to stop him. And now he has hidden my wand and is refusing to let me heal him! I'll have to get him down to the Hospital Wing somehow, though I can't imagine he'd come without causing a scene."

The distress was clear on his face, leaving Lily with no doubt that he was telling the truth. As bizarre as the situation seemed, she could honestly believe that Black would do such a thing. He had always seemed to be the daredevil of their group, rumoured to have never once turned down a dare from anyone. While he clearly lived life to the extreme, surely giving himself a severe injury and refusing treatment had to be the pinnacle of his stupidity.

And why would he even cut himself in the first place? Self-harm had never been one of Black's apparent interests, especially for someone else to appreciate, though Lily did have a hunch. Seeing him bleeding like that brought back memories of the noises Remus had made in the Hospital Wing earlier in the week, imagining the true extent of his own injuries causing a shiver to run down her spine. He had kept Black away because of those injuries, _'being a superficial idiot as usual'_ Potter had said. Perhaps this was Black's own way, albeit dramatic way, of letting him know he didn't care about the scars Remus received every full moon. It would certainly explain why he wasn't allowing Remus to heal him – magically healing a cut soon after obtaining it would prevent a scar from forming at all. Lily was sure that after an hour or so of being an open wound the cut would not heal as desired, causing the scars that Remus carried. He was waiting for his own cut to form a scar like the ones Remus had.

Lily felt her heart swell at the thought of Sirius taking such a drastic measure to help his friend. While she and Sirius were completely different people, and she definitely didn't agree with his actions, Lily valued loyalty above most else, and so even as that group usually seemed irritating beyond belief, she couldn't help but be thankful for the closeness they shared. After all, she could only imagine what Remus would have gone through if the others had abandoned him, or worse, spread his secret to the school. Obviously Dumbledore was sticking out his own neck to allow Remus an education at Hogwarts, and so the trust instilled by him in Remus and his friends could only be gained through a fierce bond; a bond strong enough that Sirius would voluntarily wound himself to stop his friend from worrying about his own scars.

With that thought in mind, Lily found herself from searching Remus' displayed skin for signs of his condition. She had now and again noticed the odd scar throughout their time in class together, but had never taken the time to search his skin for the marks she now knew must cover him. Eyeing his neck and hands carefully, the skin appeared rough and uneven in parts, exposing what could only be year's worth of healed cuts and scratches. His face too held evidence of his secret, small scars healing on his forehead, cheek and jaw that Lily couldn't remember seeing before – he had surely received them during his last painful transformation.

Visibly uncomfortable, Remus moved back into the darkness of the dormitory, murmuring about checking on Sirius. Without waiting for an invitation or valediction, Lily let herself into the room that she had vowed never to set foot in without promise of imposing detention, the room that housed Hogwarts worst trouble makers. The room that now held a severely bleeding Sirius Black.

Oblivious to her presence, Remus leant over the bed on which Sirius lay, obviously trying to get a better look at the damage. Cursing loudly under his breath, he pulled away, allowing Lily a clear view of the gash that was still streaming blood. Sirius had paled further in the few minutes since he appeared at the door, starkly contrasted by the red covering his torso. If it wasn't looked at soon, it was possible that he would lose too much blood.

"Why?" Remus whispered, his voice strained. "How could you do this to yourself?"

"You know why," was the equally quiet reply.

"I know what you're doing, and I know that you're a fool! Letting yourself bleed until the cut can't be healed is **not** going to make this situation any better. Do you think I enjoy seeing my best friend slice himself open?"

Sirius smirked, chuckling a little. "And here I was thinking I could fool you, Moony."

"You know that will never heal. You will _always_ have the scar, Sirius. It will _always_ be there and it's because of me. Do you really think that-"

"You didn't make me do it, so how is it because of you? I made my own choice. I want to help you, and this is the only way I know how to at this point. You wouldn't listen to me," Sirius reasoned, his voice still quiet. Lily was sure that the blood loss was beginning to affect him now, but wasn't entirely comfortable with interrupting their conversation.

Remus moved closer to Sirius, and Lily had to strain to hear his words. "I know that you don't care about it, Sirius, but I do, and I am entitled to care about it. And I especially care when it happens to you!"

"Don't you love me anymore, Moony?" Beneath the sarcasm of Sirius' voice was an accusation that left a heavy tension in the air, and Lily watched as Remus clenched his jaw in obvious anger.

"Don't you dare play my insecurities back at me, Black, or so help me I will tear this room apart and find where you hid my wand. I will heal you, but you'll be lucky if that's all I do," he said in an eerie calmness that left Lily genuinely concerned.

"Why don't you just get Evans to do it then?"

Unaware that her company was known to Sirius, Lily found herself caught in Remus' stunned gaze before she even realised he had turned. Anger still clear in his features, Lily also noticed his apprehension and embarrassment, given away by the tinge of red in his cheeks, as he cleared his throat and moved away from Sirius slightly.

Lily turned her attention to Sirius, hoping that Remus would not comment on her unintentional eavesdropping. After all, he had not asked her to leave the room, and she would never leave Sirius injured the way he was, so whether he was annoyed with her or not, Lily felt for the first time that week that she had nothing to be guilty of. She was a school prefect, and it was her responsibility to look after an injured student. She had never planned to hear their private conversation, and while it was troubling her somewhat, Lily's main focus was on trying to coax Sirius into letting her heal him.

"Would you let me heal you?" she asked tentatively, moving over and placing herself on the edge of the bed at Sirius' feet.

"Depends," he acknowledged, "what time is it?"

Ignoring Remus' indignant huff, Lily checked her watch to find that it was now well past the finish of dinner, meaning the other students would be returning to Gryffindor Tower within a few minutes.

"Did you cut yourself before the start of dinner?" Lily questioned, seeing Sirius nod in response. "It's been more than an hour, Sirius, you really should have this looked at."

Noting his hesitancy to respond, Lily looked to Remus for any sign of approval to act. His attention was solely on Sirius, eyes pleading with him to allow Lily her chance.

"Fine."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lily immediately drew her wand from her pocket and directed it towards the wound before Sirius had the opportunity to protest. Mumbling the spell under her breath, she watched as the cut slowly folded over and the bleeding stopped, more than certain that a scar would remain. Adding a quick cleaning charm to remove the dry blood, Lily turned her attention to Remus again.

"You should probably take him down to Madam Pomfrey just in case, and make sure he keeps it clean for a few days to stop infection," she ordered, adding a quick, "look after yourself" towards Sirius before heading for the door. Students would be returning any second, and if Marlene didn't find her in the girls dormitory then she would get suspicious, something that Lily was getting enough from Potter alone.

As if on cue, Lily pushed the door open wider to find Potter walking up the stairs, freezing when he noticed her standing above him. Throwing a quick glance into the room, he sped up the remaining stairs and into the dormitory.

"What was she doing up here?" he demanded.

Without waiting to hear the response, Lily descended the stairs and made her way up to her own room, quickly changing and slipping into bed before any of her roommates returned. Readily prepared for more nightmares involving strange creatures and blood, Lily forced herself to let go and fall asleep before any more thoughts could invade her mind, including the fact that she had not confronted Remus about his secret.

* * *

A/N: There you have it folks! If anyone is still concerned re: slash notice, I can assure you there will be mention of it existing, but no actual slash moments in this story - promise! I sincerely hope you enjoyed the chapter (and its length), but whatever your opinion, I want to know about it and the only way to do that is it REVIEW! See you all next week (or sooner if you review!), but until then, feel free to re-read the story, or even my other work in you're interested *shameless plug completed* Lucia-Swanne :)


	6. Facade

A/N: Hi all, back with chapter 6 of Secrets! Before I get into that, though, I would just like to throw out a massive THANK YOU to everyone who has stuck with this story, or at least read it at all! And then another massive THANK YOU to anyone who has reviewed (keeping count of your thank you's?)! It really does mean a lot that you are reading and giving feedback, so PLEASE keep on doing it! Moving on, this chapter marks the breaking point for Lily, and will serve as a semi-splitting point in the story - there are only 3 chapters left after this and they are all confrontational! With this in mind, I am letting you guys know now that there will be a slight delay in the final 3 chapters due to hectic uni work going on - SORRY! I promise that it will be no longer than a week extra (so waiting two weeks rather than the usual one), and that way they will hopefully sound well-written rather than rushed. Sorry if this upsets anyone, but to try and make it up to you, this is the longest chapter yet! Also, a fun fact for this chapter - the quote used is by Douglas Hostadter and reads as follows "It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order" - I felt this quote summed up the chapter quite well and really fit with the storyline I had going, so look out for it! Hope you all like the chapter and will see you down the bottom - enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I was, it would be totally awesome (another point on the 'THANK YOU' tallyboard to anyone who gets this reference!)

* * *

"The theoretical thinkers and academics of the muggle world have investigated many concepts over the years..." droned the Muggle Studies Professor, his too-eager voice falling on many lost ears; all but one.

Lily sat in the centre front seat, as usual, quill posed in preparation for note-taking. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a neat ponytail, not a strand out of place, and her robes were wrinkle free. Looking every bit orderly, particularly for a Thursday afternoon, she could hardly rouse suspicion from anyone as she had last week – just the way she wanted it.

She had allowed herself to fall into a dangerous pattern last week, leaving both her friends and enemies concerned for her wellbeing. While she was far from recovered, she knew she could not permit that behaviour again without risking teachers' involvement. Lily was all too aware of her limits, and she would not lie to a teacher, a fact that would only result in serious consequences. She needed to maintain her appearance, even if she felt the complete opposite inside.

Truthfully, Lily had never felt so guilty in all her life. After all, she had practically stalked Remus and his friends for a week, eavesdropped on private conversations and abused her position as a Prefect by letting them off from detentions. That sort of conduct was not who she was, and yet she hadn't stopped herself from doing it. Curiosity has truly gotten the better of her, and now she was paying for it with the knowledge of two secrets.

The first was obvious – Remus was a werewolf. It had not even been a week since she figured it out, and yet that moment in the library felt like only minutes ago. The shock and disbelief at the situation remained in her system despite all attempts to distract herself, but Lily could not deny the evidence. Potter had been right, she had made Remus her project, and now the secret kept safe for years by the innocent, kind and studious boy was in her hands, a power she was in no way prepared to handle.

As if carrying that secret had not been enough, Lily had not been able to stop overanalysing her encounter in the boys' dormitory on Sunday night until coming to the only logical conclusion she could think of. It too was something she had not been prepared for, despite all signs to support it, though she still struggled to comprehend it fully. The one thing she did know was that the relationship between Remus and Sirius was much more complex than she had first anticipated. Sirius' statement that night had clearly left more of a mark than intended, as Lily had not observed the two speaking or even interacting since, though she still did not understand the gravity of his words. Whatever he had intended to say, Remus had taken it personally, indicating to Lily that they were something more than friends, whatever that meant, and this also became a burden on her mind.

Thankfully, Potter had not had the opportunity to approach her again like she knew he wanted to. From breakfast Monday morning, Lily had kept herself busy and made a point of avoiding the group altogether, not ready to face him and his barrage of accusations again. The way in which he seemed to understand everything going on inside her head was extremely unnerving, and she felt bad enough without his harsh words. Instead, she had given herself no choice but to focus on her studies and repress the emotional turmoil within until she knew she could release it safely and without suspicion.

That decision, however, was being made harder and harder by Potter every day. His constant stare had become commonplace in her life, _that_ she expected, but his actions has escalated to the point where he used their shared classes and daily timetable as opportunities to creatively remind her of her behaviour all over again. While his voice no longer held the malice it once did, the intent was crystal clear – he would not let Lily forget about her treatment of Remus. This combined with her own self-inflicted inner punishment was actually leading her to believe in karma.

"Would anyone care to read out a quote and give their thoughts on how it applies to both the muggle and wizarding world?" the Professor asked loudly, leading Lily to realise that she had let her attention slip. Again.

After a moment of silence, that familiar voice from directly behind her called in response, "I will Professor."

She could hear Potter standing from his seat in the back row before reciting, "_'an eerie type of chaos can lurk just beneath a facade of order'_, that could easily relate to anyone, magic or not. In fact, I would venture a guess that many wizards and witches live like this, probably even some people in this room."

His statement was as good as calling her name, and as Lily turned she found herself recalling this exact same moment in Transfiguration last week, meeting Potter's eyes across the classroom as he stared back with curiosity. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing his strange influence over her, Lily whipped around in her seat to wait for the Professors next instructions, refusing to dwell on the moment. He was simply trying to bait her again, and if she had any say in the matter, he would never succeed in seeing her lose control of her emotions.

"Interesting interpretation, Potter, though I was hoping for a more _objective_ response. Now for next lesson, I want everyone to take away these quotes and..."

No longer truly listening, Lily gathered up her blank parchment and prepared to exit the classroom before Potter had the chance to confront her, moving swiftly through the other students with her eyes downcast.

Not really paying attention to her path, Lily weaved through the hoards of students until she arrived at the Great Hall. Smelling the tell-tale scent of food wafting from the doors, she both felt and heard her stomach grumble in appreciation, only now acknowledging how hungry she was. Remembering her desire to leave breakfast early this morning in order to avoid harassment, Lily made her way to the Gryffindor table and filled her plate, wanting to eat quickly and leave.

As she ate, Lily noticed a few people from the lower years staring at her and whispering amongst themselves. Since when was she worthy of being gossiped about? Hogwarts was always buzzing with news of new relationships and break-ups, the latest rumours about a select handful of students seeming to do their rounds before fading. Surely her slip last week had become old news now, but their attention did not lie – she was still on everyone's radar, not just Potter's.

Lily sighed quietly in frustration before shovelling another mouthful of food into her mouth and grabbing her bag to disappear. Standing from the table, she avoided the many pairs of eyes she could feel turning her way as she threw her bag over her shoulder and walked towards the door as confidently as she could pretend.

Rounding the doorway into the Entrance Hall, Lily stopped dead as she watched the slightly chubby figure of Peter Pettigrew disappear down the stairwell leading to the dungeons, a place he had no business being. With no potions class scheduled today, and Professor Slughorn still dining in the Great Hall, there was no logical reason for him to be going down into the dungeons, especially without his friends.

Needing to move closer in order to reach the staircase moving up to Gryffindor Tower, Lily justified her decision to keep watching Pettigrew as he reached the bottom of the small stairwell, still visible from the Entrance Hall. The door opened just before he could reach it, long black hair the only thing visible through the deep shadows of the dungeons before who could only be Severus Snape stepped aside to let Pettigrew enter.

Unable to focus on the small voice in the back of her head, Lily swiftly made her way over to the dungeon entrance and found she could hear their voices – they had clearly not expected to be eavesdropped on.

"Severus, I really think we should-"

"Calm yourself, Pettigrew; your little friends won't know you're here."

Lily hadn't heard the voice of her oldest friend in weeks, being too caught up in study and her investigations to fully realise before now. That aside, she had Severus had begun drifting apart since the beginning of the year, he spending much more time with his Slytherin housemates and Lily focusing on her O.W.L preparation. While she missed Severus dearly, she couldn't help but notice the small changes to her friend that made her slightly concerned for his wellbeing. Lily had always viewed him as her best friend, but since the start of term he had begun acting as if she was an inconvenience to him, blowing off plans to spend time with the Slytherins. She was truly happy he was finally getting along with people in his house, the amount of time he seemed to get around with them now contradicted his previous statements about disagreeing with all of their opinions and viewpoints on equality.

Of course they were often mocked for being friends themselves, always paired as complete opposites, but Severus had been her first true friend in the wizarding world. He never made fun of her for asking so many seemingly simple questions during their first year like many others did, and he had not once forgotten her birthday. They had spent hours huddled together in their first few years at Hogwarts, Lily voicing her fears for her relationship with her sister and Severus revealing his parents endless fighting. They had been the constant in each other's lives, always supporting and giving advice, and yet it appeared that Severus did not want or need her anymore. This knowledge hurt her a great deal, but until he spoke to her about it, she would not know if it was the truth or if she was overreacting. It did not stop her from worrying about him, though, and meeting secretly with Peter Pettigrew in the dungeons during mealtime was not something she would have ever expected from him, at least not until this year.

Lily could hear murmuring for a moment, but nothing was clear enough to understand. Checking that no one was around, she moved a little close enough to hear someone shuffling before Severus spoke.

"Just meet me next week where we agreed so we can have a proper talk."

The shuffling grew louder, moving towards the door, and Lily immediately turned on her heel and sped towards the grand staircase as fast as her legs would take her. She had come incredibly close to being caught more than once last week, occurrences she did not want to repeat, especially with her best friend. If Severus knew she was spying on him, then it would surely end their friendship. While Potter and his friends were concerning, they were not her true friends, and she certainly did not want to upset anyone close to her because of her unusual behaviour. What she did to Remus was enough, and yet she was still prepared to act out of line just because her friend was involved.

Feeling the walls she had worked so hard to build up begin to crumble, Lily rounded the corner and collided with a hard body, feeling herself falling before hitting the ground hard. Clenching her eyes shut at the pain shooting through her back, she heard a grunt across from her and then looked over to see Remus lying with his books scattered across the floor. His robes had become tangled around his bag during the fall and his shirt had lifted slightly, allowing Lily a clear vision of a barely-healed scar running the length of his abdomen. Recognition flooded her system she quickly moved her gaze to the now apologetic look on Remus' face, who had somehow managed to gather up the majority of his things – how long had she been staring?

While she now looked directly at Remus' face, the image of that scar would not shift from her mind's eye. That was the same scar she had seen on Sirius last week, and that knowledge unleashed what felt like a million different thoughts flowing through her before she could stop them, all thoughts she had forced herself to forget – the undeniable sounds of pain coming from behind the Hospital Wing curtain, the deafening crash from the sixth floor classroom during patrols, the look in Potter's eyes all through classes, the way he confronted her in the library, the absolute realisation about Remus' secret, the blood dripping down Sirius...

She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to tell someone.

"Lily?"

Focusing on Remus again, Lily couldn't stop the surge of guilt and embarrassment as she thought of her actions. Avoiding them had helped her to distract her thoughts somewhat, but that would not work forever, it seemed that Potter would not let the issue drop until she cracked anyway.

"I'm _sorry_," she breathed out, trying in vain to shake the offensive thoughts from her head. "I'm so, so sorry!"

His kind smile did nothing to help. "It's fine, Lily, it was just an accident." Reaching down and picking up her bag, he handed it to her before leaning in and asking rather discreetly if she was alright.

Hearing herself laugh humourlessly, Lily pondered how to respond. Of course she was not alright, but revealing that to Remus of all people seemed tactless, to say the least. Her desire to tell _anyone_ about her discoveries left Lily unbelievably overwhelmed at the continuing situation. Knowing information that powerful about someone was a difficult burden to hold, and Lily had no idea how to handle it, especially when she knew more than one secret – Remus was a werewolf, Sirius' relationship with him was much more than it seemed, and Peter was sneaking around meeting Severus. The pressure that came with that sort of responsibility was clearing getting to her, and Lily knew that if she didn't leave now then she would find herself blurting out everything to Remus, and as much as she wanted to, she didn't feel like she could face up to him yet.

"Sorry, Remus, I'm just a little preoccupied at the moment," she muttered, adding on a hurried goodbye before rushing up to Gryffindor Tower and away from everything.

The journey to the common room was slower than Lily had first anticipated, leaving her mind with plenty of time to wander back to her train of thought from earlier. Picturing the last week again, the way she had acted and the things she had done, Lily couldn't stop tears from prickling at the sides of her eyes. Having always prided herself on her ability to figure out problems, one of the crucial traits of an Auror, she now found herself cursing it. Her dream job seemed less and less appealing now that she had discovered the consequences of investigating people's lives. Of course people in that situation were different, but in the eyes of the Ministry, werewolves were dangerous to the general public and needed to be observed constantly. Remus would always be discriminated against by the law, treated differently just because he transforms once a month, and Lily was as good as acting the same.

Wiping away the tears furiously, Lily choked out the password and stumbled through to the common room, thankfully finding it empty again. Explaining her current state was certainly not an appropriate conversation to have with most people; there were only four people who should hear her vindications, and they had all changed completely in Lily's eyes:

Peter Pettigrew had always appeared to be nothing more than a follower, never held responsible for the actions of the group and often forgotten amongst their strong personalities. Lily now knew something different, and while she didn't understand why, Peter was going against his friends. Knowing so little of the boy, Lily felt she could not confront him on his secret – whatever he was up to, Lily would not interfere.

Sirius Black, on the other hand, was always as he appeared – strong, confident and cocky. He knew he was the dominant character and liked it that way, only coming close to conforming around Remus. His feelings towards Remus were unknown to Lily before last week, yet now the more she looked the clearer it became. Remus seemed aware of the attention he received but was neither reciprocal nor affronted by it, and this obviously left Sirius confused.

Remus Lupin was the logical, studious member of the group and somehow managed to keep the others in check (most of the time). Despite his brilliant grades and kind disposition, Remus was going through the horror of being a werewolf. Lily knew he never used it to his benefit, however, and worked harder than anyone to remain at the top of his classes. Even with his condition, Remus managed to achieve great things, though it was clear that he suffered greatly from the affliction.

James Potter, the obvious ringleader, was passionate and wholehearted in everything he did. His commitment to his friends was clear, willing to do anything for them, and as much as Lily hated to admit it, she was fond of that trait in him. His dedication was apparent even on the Quidditch pitch, and while his attitude in class did not reflect it, his grades were also excellent. If it weren't for his complete and utter arrogance towards everything Lily may have been able to like him, but as it was, she found his drive, so similar to hers, more than a little affronting. He was just too much more her.

Tears still falling, Lily's resolve was clear – she would reveal everything to the first Marauder she saw.

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A/N: *gasp* Lily will spill the beans to whoever she sees next! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I will endeavour to get the next one up in 2 weeks time max! Also, there is a moment in this chapter that literally shifts everything and makes way for the history we all know is coming, so if anyone knows what it is, props to you for noticing and you get yet another THANK YOU point! Let me know your tallys in a review if you want, or simply just review! Thanks again for reading and, as always, happy birthday Rhet! See you all soon, Lucia-Swanne :)


	7. Confessions

A/N: Hi everyone, thanks for sticking with me! It's been two weeks since the last chapter - I took the first week off to give myself a chance to chill out, then came back and just wrote. And I will admit, in complete honesety, that even when I began writing this chapter, I didn't know who Lily would find. I've worked with the idea in my head for a long long time, and it still wasn't firmly decided until a few days ago, but I'm happy with the direction the story has taken. As you very well know, Lily is about to spill the beans to whichever Marauder comes across her first, so guesses aside, we know she is confessing here (hence the title!), and therefore, sh!ts going down! And as appropriate as a segway that was, there is a little swearing in this chapter, and yet again, mention of UNREQUITED slash - wont be overwhelming, promise! I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, but whether you do or don't, please feel free to let me know in a review! And, as always, happy continued birthday Rhet! So, without further ado, I give you chapter 7 - Confessions!

Disclaimer: Questioning J.K. Rowling's involvement in this story is just a little too insulting to her skills as a writer, just putting it out there.

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In a situation like this, there was no good option.

Even with that thought, Lily could not seem to shake the idea that karma existed and was out in full force to punish her. After all, having _him_ walk into the common room to find her sobbing uncontrollably on the floor was uncomfortable to say the least, their awkward moment last week only adding to the tension.

There she had been, collapsed on the hearth rug with little intention of moving, tears streaming down her puffy red cheeks and chest wracking with sobs. Letting her emotions completely overcome her, she had not been prepared for the common room portrait to open at all, least for the person who opened it.

He had entered with a content expression on his face, which quickly became one of concern and anxiety as he noticed her. She had watched him glance around a little as if seeking any escape from the situation, and silently prayed for the same thing herself, still not fully prepared to confront her demons just yet. Realising they were alone, he seemed to make up his mind and moved towards her, quickly embracing Lily in a tight hug she was even less ready for.

Even wrapped firmly in his arms, Lily could feel his caution at the action – he probably expected her to tense up or shove him away. They could hardly be called friends, and their interactions with each other were civil at best, so being comforted by Sirius Black would have seemed almost laughable were she not so distressed.

Accepting his unspoken offer, Lily slid her arms around him and tucked her face into his shoulder, letting the sobs overtake her yet again. She could feel his hand making soothing circles on her back as she tried to steady her breathing, truly wishing that she hadn't been found in such a vulnerable situation – Sirius would surely use this to his advantage later on...wouldn't he? He was a Marauder, infamous for almost everything possible at Hogwarts and then some, and had never failed to pass on _valuable_ information when it would benefit him. But then again, Lily had witnessed his loyalty to his friends first-hand, and even though it was a long shot, she could only hope he respected her enough to treat her the same despite their differences.

"What's going on in that head of yours, Evans?"

Her crying having subsided a little, Lily pulled away from him and rubbed her eyes fiercely, wanting to rid her face of all evidence of her meltdown. Glancing up at Sirius, he no longer appeared nervous, leaning back against an armchair with ease as he waited for her answer. Perhaps he was used to girls crying all over him.

"Far too much," she replied quietly, not really knowing where to begin but somehow hoping that Sirius would understand.

"Well then," he prompted, "why don't you start with what's really bothering you?"

Was 'everything' a sufficient enough answer? It seemed that her actions the past week painted her as a completely different person, and even having figured out the great secret, Lily felt no sense of achievement or satisfaction at all. Instead, she was left with a strange empty feeling that her mind identified as guilt combined ironically with the desire to tell someone all she knew. It was like those dreams she had experienced as a child, knowing that she was being chased yet having no control over the movement of her legs, feeling weighed down and unable to move at all, left only to face whatever horror would inevitably reach her.

If only she could wake up from this.

Realising she still hadn't spoken, Lily attempted to sum up everything in the simplest way possible. "I've done some _terrible_ things, and I don't know how to deal with it."

"Haven't we all," he commented lightly, a smirk growing. "Look, I don't mean to sound condescending here, but you're _Lily Evans_! Anything you've done could not register as terrible, and I should know seeing as I've done everything terrible that anyone could ever do."

Lily sighed in frustration; she was being sincere and he wasn't listening at all! "Sirius, you don't understand, I've-"

"Let me guess," he broke in casually, the smirk now replaced with a look of mock contemplation. "This has something to do with what James' been prattling on about all week, doesn't it? He seems to be under the distinct impression that you're following us around, eavesdropping on private conversations and being overall Marauder-ish. I told him it was complete rubbish, of course, that Lily Evans would never sneak around behind someone's back and that he should know better."

Even though Lily could recognise the unmistakable jesting in his voice suggesting he really didn't believe a word Potter had said, the simple fact that he already knew everything made the idea of confessing that much more terrifying. He actually had a good opinion of her, and she was about to destroy it by admitting that Potter was right.

Feeling the tears coming on again, all she could do was nod and accept her fate, whatever it was.

The humour left his face all at once, and Lily found that staring at a blank slate of Sirius Black was almost as bad as the looks she continued to get from Potter. He shook his head infinitesimally, still with no words or emotion, merely staring at her as if waiting for something.

After what felt like hours of suffering under his gaze, Lily eagerly broke eye contact and instead looked to her hands, wringing them together almost painfully in her lap as she fidgeted. Apparently that was enough for Sirius, as he was all of a sudden much closer to her. The various emotions flickering across his face said it all – this was it, the moment when everything would come crashing down around her.

"Evans, what the hell have you done?" he implored gravely, his fear visibly reflecting her own.

And before Lily even knew what was happening, the words were pouring from her mouth. It felt almost like an out-of-body experience, listening to herself talking without any real control over it, and just like that, Lily confessed everything to him – her strange curiosity over Remus' disappearances, following Potter to the Hospital Wing, listening to them all arguing in the classroom during patrols, her inability to stop worrying about Remus' health and well-being, being caught by Potter in the library leading her to figure it all out, wanting desperately to confess but being side-tracked by Sirius himself, the guilt forcing herself to forget it all but failing the first moment she saw Remus, her mind flashing through everything she had done, and now being here and revealing everything in the hope of somehow saving her sanity.

For the first time in almost an hour, the common room fell completely silent. Lily shut her mouth quickly, eyes peeking up from looking at the worn rug underneath her to find Sirius bent over with his head in his hands. His fingers were clenched tightly to his skull, tugging slightly at the jumble of black hair, and Lily could faintly hear him repeat "fuck, fuck, fuck" from between his hands.

Lily was unsure of how to proceed. She had obviously never been in such a situation before, and had no idea of what was appropriate after confessing something like that, especially when she had confessed it to Sirius Black. While she surely feared Potter more, Sirius was definitely more volatile, and that knowledge did nothing to comfort her as his chanting grew louder.

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out, breaking his mantra. "I know that what I did was incredibly stupid, and inconsiderate and wrong, and I'm sorry that-"

"I'm not the one you should be apologising to, Evans," he replied bluntly, not looking up from the ground.

"I know that, and I will as soon as I see Remus. But right now, you're the one sitting in front of me, and I've hurt you too. I need to make you understand how sorry I am for what I've done to all of you. Please, Sirius, believe me when I say that I never thought that it turn out like this; if I knew then I never would have acted this way. I was just so worried about Remus leaving all the time...I didn't think it could be something this awful."

Lily received no reply from Sirius, who still hadn't moved from his hunched position across from her. She watched carefully for any response at all, and after a few minutes began to wonder if he had even heard her speak or was just choosing to ignore her. Of course, he had every reason to ignore her, but that wouldn't result in anything other than animosity between them, and Lily knew she needed to keep trying with him.

"Look, I know you probably don't even want to see me right now, but we need to talk about this."

Nothing.

"Please, Sirius," she implored, "Obviously what I've done is wrong, but I already know everything and I promise not to tell anyone!"

For whatever reason, that finally elicited a response – Sirius snorted loudly and shook his head.

"You don't know anything."

Those words sent blazing anger through Lily. Of course she knew– she knew too much! She had spent the past week learning far more than she ever should have, sacrificing time, energy and her morals to discover what their big secret was, only to be weighed down my guilt and embarrassment. Without fully admitting it until right now, this experience had changed her life. She had just said as much to him, and he had the nerve to tell her she knew _nothing_?

Without consciously thinking about it, Lily stood and began walking away from him, hoping that distance would help her to calm down. She clenched and unclenched her fists continuously, trying to rid her body of some the tension, but it only served to bring to mind the idea of hitting Sirius, something that she knew would feel good but she would ultimately regret.

Whipping around and storming back over to the fireplace, Lily fell to the ground directly in front of him and pulled his hands away from his face forcefully, his head shooting up in surprise.

Before he had a chance to speak, Lily declared loudly, "I know that you love him!"

Sirius froze again, this time with a bitter expression and cautious gaze. His eyebrows came together slowly as Lily sat back on her feet and folded her arms defiantly.

"I know that you love him," she said again. "And I know that you hate what's happened to him. I know that you don't care about his scars, but he does. I know he kept you away because of it, and it hurt you, and that last week was your way of showing him that it doesn't matter. And I know...I know that the scar you gave yourself is the exact same as his."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up at her last statement. "H-how...?" he faltered.

"I ran into him in the Entrance Hall before, his shirt came up and I saw it. But Sirius, I know it meant something important, so why did you give yourself the same scar?"

She watched as he shifted slightly and instinctively ran his hand along the bottom of his school shirt. "I've done bad things too, Evans. Thing a hell of a lot worse than what you've done, and I'm still paying for them now. One of those things is the reason he has that scar, so I thought I'd make us even, but that still doesn't change what I did. Remus will never get over that, he will always look at me and remember what I did to him. And on top of everything, Dumbledore has me on permanent watch – I do one more bad thing and I can't come back here."

Lily never even got her question out before Sirius continued. "A couple of months ago, the day of the full moon, Snivellus wouldn't stop goading me about how much time I spent with Remus. Seems he figured it out too, I guess, and threatened to tell everyone. That didn't bother me, except then he started talking about Remus disappearing every month and that his family must be almost as screwed up as mine is. I tried to ignore the git, but then he was going on about how Remus was to cowardly to admit why he really left the school and I just snapped – I told him where Remus was. James got to him just in time, hit Remus with a spell and got Snape out, but Remus could have killed him. He'd be dead and Remus would have been expelled and it would have been my fault."

Many different emotions shot through Lily after hearing that. She felt angry that Sirius would be so stupid and foolish, shocked that her best friend was still alive and hadn't said a word to her about his ordeal, extremely thankful that James had saved him, and she finally understood why Sirius had been treated that way by his best friends.

"How could you do something like that!" Lily exclaimed loudly, reaching across and hitting Sirius as hard as she possibly could. She knew it wouldn't cause lasting damage, she was small after all, but the message got across as Sirius hung his head. "You would have ruined his life! And you nearly got my best friend killed! Why doesn't the school know about any of this?"

"Dumbledore spoke to Snivellus and made him swear not to tell anyone about it, and managed to convince Remus to give me another chance. He told him that 'we all do stupid things in love' and he kind of figured out the rest from there."

While she was in complete shock from Sirius' revelation, Lily still managed to notice the change of tone in his voice from regret to bitterness.

"So Remus knows then?" she asked, hoping not to upset him too much by probing. "How did he react?"

Sirius laughed for a moment though there was obviously nothing funny about the circumstances, and Lily suddenly felt extremely uneasy. Surely Remus hadn't been too hard on him, his best friend? Of course it would have been a shock, but there wasn't a bad bone in his body, yet Sirius' actions suggested otherwise.

"We haven't exactly had a heart-to-heart about it all. We both know what's going on, James too, but his silence is answer enough. Besides, I've been enough of a bad influence in his life without adding anything like that to it. I wouldn't do that to him."

The way in which Sirius rubbed around his eyes made Lily's heart ache for him. He was visibly upset by the idea of ruining their friendship, but Lily knew first hand that carrying around that heavy an emotion would take its toll on a person, and she had no idea how long Sirius had been holding onto these feelings. Of course it was Remus' decision which way he responded, but to give no response at all was only hurting Sirius more.

"You two really should talk about it, especially if it's upsetting you."

"Sure, Evans, I'll just waltz right on up to him after dinner and ask for a little chat, shall I?" he conceded sarcastically. "And how do you think he will react to that? Remus has more than enough to worry about without having to deal with my stupid little _crush_. Besides, he has made it more than clear that he doesn't swing that way, so why even bother asking when I already know the answer?"

There was something in his voice that spoke volumes about his feelings on the matter – he sounded utterly disgusted, and that set off alarm bells in Lily's head. He hadn't seemed at all concerned when she confronted him about his feelings before, only when speaking of Remus and his reaction to the situation. Maybe Remus had not needed to say anything to Sirius; maybe he had already made his position clear.

Lily gasped in disbelief. "Sirius, he wasn't being prejudiced, was he? Because if he was, that is repulsive behaviour towards a friend!" He shook his head firmly, and his expression confirmed it – Remus had not treated Sirius badly due to his affections.

"Thank goodness," Lily said, truly relieved. While she thought the world of Remus, particularly after finding out his secret, Sirius' actions had pointed towards an idea completely unlike him. She was almost ashamed for believing it, even for a moment, but then thought of her own conduct changed her mind a little – anyone was capable of changing given the circumstances.

Considering his possible intolerance led to another thought, and Lily added, "after all, Remus could hardly be narrow-minded towards you after you accepted him being a werewolf whole-heartedly."

Sirius nodded slowly in agreement just as the portrait hole began to open again. Lily quickly turned and watched in growing horror as Professor McGonagall stepped through looking stern. She found the pair still sitting by each other in front of the fireplace, and marched over immediately.

"Miss Evans, Mr Black, I was sent to search for you after Professor Ruckwood noticed your absence in class. While I am very disappointed that you have both decided to miss your class, I am appalled that you would discuss that matter with such frivolity! It is not a situation to be taken lightly as you will know, Mr Black. And as for you Miss Evans, I don't know how you found out about this, but I will be taking the pair of you to speak with Professor Dumbledore immediately. You can – there is no need to pull that face, Mr Black. Now I will be deducting house points for your nonattendance, and will escort you downstairs now – thank you Mr Black, that is quite enough!"

Without saying a word, Lily rose and followed McGonagall out of the Gryffindor common room with a deep sinking feeling in her gut. She had been found out, could have potentially put Remus in jeopardy and was not being taken to speak with Dumbledore – perhaps she would be finding out the consequences to her actions sooner rather than later.

This definitely would not end well.

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A/N: So there you have it - Lily has confessed, but still managed to get in trouble! I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this, and once again, a giant THANK YOU to everyone who is sticking with this story - it is immensely appreciated by me! Please review, a few words is enough to convey your feelings and it will only help me to improve for later on (keep in mind, a review is the reason these chapters continue to get longer!). Thanks again, and the next chapter should be on schedule next week! Lucia-Swanne =)


	8. Consequences

A/N: Hi everyone! First of all, I apologise for this chapter being a few days late - I have just finished university for the year and needed to move all of my stuff back home for the summer break (there was a LOT of stuff!) To make it up to you, this is the longest chapter yet! Not much to say about this chapter other then the fact that when I planned this story, I had never intended for Lily to speak with Dumbledore, but as time went on, it seemed more and more necessary. I hope you all enjoy this, particularly Rhet, and I will aim to post the next chapter a week from now. As always, I will ask you to PLEASE PLEASE review - it means a great deal to me and helps me to become a better writer (my ego usually likes it too!) With that said, enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: Negatory.

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Tick, tick, tick...

Lily sat perfectly still in her seat, listening to the quiet _tick, tick, tick_ of her watch, the only distinct sound in the room. According to the watch, which Lily checked for what was probably the hundredth time, she had been waiting outside of Professor Dumbledore's office for just over twenty-seven minutes.

McGonagall had escorted them out of the Gryffindor common room and along the seventh floor corridor until they reached the large stone gargoyle which stood guard over the office. Despite passing the statue every day, Lily had only witnessed it move a handful of times, and had never heard it talk despite other students claims that it could. It was a dreadfully ugly thing, and Lily often wondered why such an entity was chosen to protect the Headmaster's tower, though it clearly served its purpose.

After reciting the password 'pepper imp' , a phrase she knew had not been missed by Sirius, Lily was led up the spiral staircase and requested to wait outside while Professor Dumbledore spoke with Sirius first. McGonagall had conjured up a spindly-looking chair for her to sit on, surely part of her punishment, before departing quickly and leaving Lily by herself.

The waiting was not helping Lily's nerves at all. She had only been called to the Headmaster's office twice before, once regarding her initiation as a prefect and the other for threatening James Potter's castration – evidently they had taken her seriously. While her punishment had not been severe in the slightest, that room still represented punishment in the highest degree at Hogwarts – you were not asked here lightly.

Sirius had appeared calm when he left her, even slightly amused, though being reprimanded on a daily basis would have likely lessened the dramatic impact of being sent there for him. And yet, the words he had spoken to her not even an hour ago rang in her head – _"Dumbledore has me on permanent watch – I do one more bad thing and I can't come back here"_. So then why wasn't he at all concerned to be taken to Professor Dumbledore again when he knew there was a great possibility of expulsion? Everyone at Hogwarts knew of his family and their feelings towards Sirius, and that meant that he wouldn't have a home to go back to if he was asked to leave, so what would he do? She shuddered to think of Sirius out on his own. He would be perfectly capable of looking after himself, she was sure, but his tendency for trouble and mischief would not be looked upon well in the adult community, particularly from a Black. And besides, he was far too young to live on his own, but who would willingly take him in were he to be expelled? Lily couldn't know of any of his extended family that weren't in association with his parents, but then who else was there?

Lily was drawn from her reverie by a set of frantic footsteps moving up the staircase. She jumped at the sudden noise, not having heard the wall beneath her move, and instinctively shrunk back in her chair as the person moved closer. They were moving too fast and were much lighter on their feet to be any of the professors, but no one was supposed to know the password save them – it didn't make any sense.

Just as that thought made itself known, an array of messy black hair appeared at the top of the staircase, followed up by searching hazel eyes behind thin round glasses. He seemed in such a rush to get to Dumbledore's office that he nearly missed Lily's presence altogether, doing an almost comical double-take as he reached out for the door handle. And suddenly, it made perfect sense.

"Evans...what...where's Sirius?" he managed to get out while gasping for air.

Adding to her previous nerves, Lily suddenly thought of Potter's reaction to her conversation with Sirius. Trying to remain as diplomatic as possible, she stated simply, "Professor McGonagall brought us both here to speak with Professor Dumbledore. I haven't been in to see him yet, though Sirius has been in there for a half hour now."

Potter cursed under his breath and made for the door again, getting as far as touching the handle before Lily was grabbing his other arm from behind.

"You can't interrupt them, its Professor Dumbledore's private office!"

"I'm well aware, Evans, which is exactly why I'm going in there. The very fact that he is _here_ means that something important is going on. I know this doesn't mean much to you, but Sirius can't afford to be called up here again...shit!" He began pacing across the small room right beside the door, throwing it irritated glances with every turn.

Lily bit her lip. She did know the consequences of Sirius being called to speak with Professor Dumbledore because he had just told her, though this was obviously unbeknownst to Potter, and she was positive that informing him of this fact would not help his current frustrations. While she wouldn't likely admit it, James Potter was scary as hell when he was mad, and she had been on the receiving end of his anger enough this past week without provoking him further.

All of a sudden, Lily could hear voices coming from within Dumbledore's office. They were muffled at best and difficult to distinguish, though she was sure that some sort of argument was taking place. It was obvious Potter heard it too – he stopped directly outside of the door and pressed his ear against it, clearly hoping to eavesdrop more effectively.

"I'm a _traitor_ am I?" came Sirius' voice loud and clear, but Lily heard no distinct response. Surely there was someone else in the room with them; Dumbledore would never accuse a student of such a thing. But then who could be in there? There would have been no time to appropriately notify his parents, and even if Dumbledore had let them know, she sincerely doubted that they would respond well to the news that their son had been sent to the Headmaster's office for talking candidly about his friend's condition as a werewolf. No, without doubt they would not have come here just to call Sirius names – Lily had been witness to enough of their howlers to know better. So then who could possibly be in there to call Sirius a traitor?

One other thought sprang to mind – Remus. Had Professor Dumbledore possibly called him in to find that his best friend had spoken to her about his circumstances? While Lily truly wanted to believe otherwise, he was probably furious with Sirius and her both for discussing the matter out in the open like they had, and would have felt betrayed by his friend. But if his reaction to the situation was to call his best friend a traitor, then what would his reaction to her be? She had gone behind his back, and those of his friends, in the attempt to discover his secret, disregarding any possibility of the serious consequences that were now coming about. She had abused her position and good merit in order to get further in her search, only to find out that someone she associated with every day was not who he seemed. Remus would be living with his condition for the rest of his life provided a cure wasn't discovered in the near future, and yet she had treated him like a research subject, not a human being. How would he honestly take that information, knowing what she had done to him? Lily was not prepared to find out in front of Professor Dumbledore, that was for sure.

"Associating with _blood traitors_ and _half-breeds_, and you call yourself a Black! You are no Black, my boy!"

The voice that spoke sounded far older than a student – that and the obvious prejudice ruled out Remus, a fact that thoroughly pleased Lily. Though that still left the problem of who was in there with Sirius. Their attitude certainly suggested a family member or someone in allegiance with them, but Lily could not account for the voice, indicating that whoever it was with him was not his mother or father. So then who would travel all the way to Hogwarts over something like this, only to chastise Sirius with those hateful words?

It seemed Potter knew, because as soon as the other voice became audible, a look of understanding and resentment washed over his features. He ran his hand through his hair, making it even more of a mess, and sighed quietly, moving away from the door with a slight frown.

"Who is it?" Lily whispered loudly, not wanting to be heard by anyone inside the office but still eager to know who was present.

Starting slightly at the sound of her voice, Potter rolled his eyes and smiled slightly – never a good sign. He moved over to her chair and crouched down in front of her, laughing shortly to himself before answering.

"Sirius' family have much more of a history here then you might have realised. Specifically speaking, his great-great-grandfather was once a professor here, and then became Headmaster; how that decision was made I'll never understand."

Lily felt her mouth open in shock. "A Black was a Headmaster? A _Black_ ran this school?"

"Natural reaction, Evans. Anyway, he never took the news about Sirius too well, being sorted into Gryffindor and all. Every time one of us is up here, he makes a point of yelling profanities until Dumbledore asks him to go to his other portrait. The whole situation can get a bit annoying, actually..." he trailed off, peering back over to the door as the phrase 'blood-traitor' could be heard clearly again amongst other insults.

The door suddenly burst open to reveal a thoroughly irate Sirius, his face red from yelling. He looked quickly between the pair waiting outside before motioning Potter to follow, and they both practically flew down the spiral staircase and out of sight before Lily even knew what had happened.

Turning back towards the open door of Dumbledore's office, Lily could see him sitting calmly at behind his desk with a pleasant smile as if the argument between Black's had not just taken place. He nodded gently at the chair in front of his desk, and Lily glanced briefly at the empty staircase once again before closing the door and making her way over to the desk, but not without taking in the image of Dumbledore's office once more.

It was the most eccentric room she had ever seen, though it appeared to fit the Headmaster perfectly. The room was never still or quiet, with something always whirring or spinning or humming in no particular order, but to Lily it had always seemed orchestrated somehow, with everything working to create a perfectly inharmonious jumble of sound and movement that was exciting and calming all at once. What looked as if to be thousands of items covered every surface, ranging from large, complex-looking magical instruments Lily couldn't identify that were constantly changing and adjusting themselves to muggle inventions that she was familiar with, such as a shiny metal abacus sitting on his desk that did not move or seem to be magically enchanted at all. The desk itself, surprisingly, was one of the few areas that did not appear cluttered, its large polished surface completely visible save for the abacus, a stunning golden ink pot with a matching quill, some papers and a number books stacked upon each other. Lily could identify the homes of some of these missing books on their shelves behind the Headmaster's chair, while there were more piles appearing by his desk, though he did not appear to be bothered by the lack of storage. Most of the old Headmaster's portraits covering the remaining wall space looked to be asleep, though she couldn't be sure, and one frame held no face at all – obviously Professor Black's portrait.

Noticing her gaze, Dumbledore smiled genially. "My apologies for Phineas, he takes his heritage quite seriously, if you will excuse the pun."

Lily couldn't help but smile at his attempt to make conversation, and although she had been called here to be punished in some form, she felt extraordinarily at ease with the Headmaster. That said, however, the way in which he leant forward in his chair, curious eyes with a glint of something else peering over his half-moon glasses, made it clear to Lily that her questioning was about to begin.

"As I'm sure you understand, Miss Evans, Professor McGonagall has asked me to speak with you on a certain matter, but we will get to that in good time. I think it only right to inform you that quite a few Professors have expressed their concerns about you over this past week, claiming that you appear unfocused and distant. I trust that you are in good health, Miss Evans, and I'm quite sure that no charm has been placed on you, so," he paused, looking directly at her, "is there anything you wish to tell me?"

Lily felt the bubble of nerves in her stomach expand at his question. She had not wished for any teacher to know about her terrible secret, but she also knew that she had no chance of backing out now – she had to tell Dumbledore and hope with everything she had that he wouldn't expel her.

"Everything," she whispered quietly, her gaze falling to her lap in shame.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?"

And so she did. For the second time that day, Lily explained every moment of her past week, her emotions overcoming her as she talked of her behaviour. Nevertheless, she tried to maintain her composure in front of Professor Dumbledore, telling her story as professionally as possible in an attempt to control herself. He made no interruptions or objections, merely sitting forward in his chair while he listened. His eyes held no signs of anger or disappointment, the two things Lily had expected, but instead had a look of mild curiosity and understanding, and this made explaining things that much easier the second time around.

When she had finished, feeling like the process had taken much more time than with Sirius, Lily finally dared to hold Dumbledore's gaze for more than a second at a time, looking him directly in the eye as she waited for her fate. Lily knew that confessing everything to Professor Dumbledore was giving him all control over the situation, and despite her nerves, she trusted him much more than Remus and his friends not to overreact.

They were silent for a long time, Dumbledore appraising Lily while her anxiety began to grow. Silence was not what she had hoped for. Silence was the reaction she had received from Sirius, and that certainly had not ended well. This sense of déjà vu had come before and ended the same, leaving Lily practically screaming at Dumbledore in her head to say something and break the silence that was beginning to drive her crazy – she just wanted to know what he thought.

"Would you like to know what I think?" he asked calmly.

That was creepy.

"I have heard your side of the story, and Mr Black's also. The pair of you have indicated to me that before your discussion earlier, you had not spoken to Sirius concerning the matter, or to any of his friends to his best knowledge. Trusting that this information is correct, Miss Evans, I believe you when you said that you never intended to use this information against Mr Lupin, and I also trust that you understand the severity of this situation – no one must know about this. That being said, I presume that this situation has been the cause of your difficulty this week, demonstrating to me that you are troubled somewhat by your discovery. Would that be correct?"

"Yes and no, Professor. I _know_ Remus isn't dangerous to anyone, otherwise you wouldn't have allowed him here in the first place. Realising what he goes through every month and seeing him still manage to do well in every class, I couldn't be anything but inspired, Sir. I just..." she hesitated, trying to find the right way to say it, "I feel like I compromised some of myself to figure it out. It just feels so wrong to know something like that about a person when they didn't tell you. If this is what it's like to be an Auror, then I don't know if I could handle it."

Dumbledore just smiled gently. "I think you will find that being an Auror is different to this, as that task provides a sense of accomplishment for sending those dangerous men and women to Azkaban. And you possess many of the qualities they require – you are diligent, courageous, intelligent and trustworthy. I think that in a few years time, when you are completely sure of who you are, then you would make a fine Auror, Miss Evans."

Lily hardly knew how to respond to such a compliment, opting just to murmur a thank you in response. To know that despite everything she had done, Dumbledore's opinion of her had not changed made her heart swell.

"What I will advise," he continued, "is that you don't dwell on the past. Everyone does and says things they will ultimately regret, especially when we are young, but it is these moments we learn from, becoming better people because of them. Speak to Remus about your knowledge of his situation, apologise for your actions, and trust in yourself that you will grow from this. Accept what has happened, and move on – it is the only way.

"Unfortunately, Miss Evans, you were discovered during class time, and therefore Professor McGonagall finds it necessary that you and Mr Black serve a detention on Saturday night. Following that, however, you will not be receiving any other punishment."

Lily's head shot up at his statement. "What? Why not?"

"If I am to assume correctly, Miss Evans, you have punished yourself enough. Now, I would recommend you make your way back to class, and speak to Mr Lupin promptly – these things have a way of festering if left for too long. Good afternoon, Miss Evans."

Raising from her chair and leaving the office, Lily could hardly believe what had just happened. She had always assumed that confessing to a teacher would be the hardest thing to do, save telling Remus that is, yet Dumbledore had been more than understanding of her circumstances and given her no punishment for her actions. While the detention from Professor McGonagall was unfortunate, Lily would happily take responsibility for that if it meant she didn't have to face a greater penalty for her discovery.

Rushing back to the common room and grabbing her bag, Lily made her way down towards the charms classroom. She passed many students on her way, all still staring and whispering, though she paid them no attention. Since speaking with Dumbledore, Lily felt a greater sense of clarity about herself – if he didn't see fit to punish her, then she was worthy of believing in herself again.

Entering the classroom, all eyes fell on Lily, and she realised that she was a little late for this class too. Quickly apologising to the Professor and stating that she had been speaking with Dumbledore, she was quickly dismissed to her seat – he had always liked Lily.

As Lily sat down in her usual seat she felt something dig into her leg, and moving slightly to see, she found a folded piece of parchment. Pulling it up onto the desk, she made sure the Professor was not looking before unfolding the parchment to find just four words scrawled across it –

_We need to talk._

The bubble of nerves returned to her stomach immediately. She would know that writing anywhere, and as much as it petrified her, she would now have to tell her story again. Turning in her seat to look directly behind her, Lily found that familiar pair of hazel eyes staring back at her with determination, and that meant only one thing – Lily would need to tell James Potter everything.

* * *

A/N: Eight down, two chapters to go! I'll make this nice and quick - thanks for reading, PLEASE review, and hopefully see you all next week for chapter 9! Lucia-Swanne :)


	9. Understanding

A/N: Ok guys, here comes the giant rant/apology, so if you want to skip that part, feel free to go to the next paragraph, but if not, here we go - by my rough count, it has been 15 and a half weeks since my last update of Secrets. I'm cringing writing that, because that is an awfully long time! As an avid reader of fanfiction, I know that I get frustrated with authors that don't update regularly, and eventually I end up forgetting that the story even exists until they do update, and then I have the struggle to think back to what actually happened in it. This is truly the last thing I wanted to do all of you, my lovely readers, and so I hope that those of you that still remain reading this can possibly forgive me for my time away from writing. While I know that excuses probably wont suffice, I will tell you exactly what has been going on in my life the past 15.5 weeks - I flew across the country to surprise one of my best friends, who, coincidently, this story is written for - Rhet. I spent a lovely week with her in Tasmania, and for the first time in years, we went to see HP in cinemas together. Immediately after that, I flew back to Melbourne to be with my sister, her husband and my niece, who demands a lot of attention! I spent 3 weeks with them, particularly helping out my sister, who was heavily pregnant at the time. Then I was back home for Christmas and New Years, moving places in Brisbane at the same time, then on the morning on the 2nd of January, we were back down to Melbourne for another 3 weeks to help my sister with the beautiful birth of her second daughter. Then straight back home for the first truly relaxing moment I had in months! Slight exaggeration, but that was when I really got down to writing this chapter.

With all the time away, I have been able to really re-evaluate my thoughts on this story and figure out exactly what would happen. However, in saying that, my mind has a terrible habit of coming up with new ideas as I write, and that in itself is another reason why this chapter has taken a long time - I could never seem to finish it! This chapter alone has been re-written, tweaked and changed more than all of the previous chapters put together, with my mind adding, removing and adjusting a lot of stuff from my original plan in order to make it seem more realistic, among other things. It will still end the same as always, but just takes a few detours to get there. You will notice in reading this chapter that the format is a little different to the others, and this is due to everything I just spoke about - I couldn't help but feel that the chapter needed a few more things to occur, so there are two smaller moments touched on before the confrontation begins, so don't be alarmed by the page breaks, it was the only way it would let me break it up!

In short, I am terribly sorry for all the time spent NOT posting, but I have tried to make it up to you with this lovely chapter - it is far longer than anything before, and I personally like this chapter the best of them all. I will be honest and say that I have only just begun the next, and probably final, chapter, so it may not be posted for a little while as well - I begin uni for the year again in a few days and that will need to take priority. Despite all of that, my writers block has pretty much disappeared, so I can assure you that it will not be another 15.5 weeks wait! Thank you to everyone who is reading this for sticking with me through all of this, and I truly hope that this chapter makes up for the wait, even a little bit. As always, PLEASE review and let me know what you think, it helps me to learn and grow as a writer, and then I can give you what you want! And lastly, happy insanely extended birthday Rhet! It's been almost 6 months since your birthday, but I assure you that I wont draw this out much longer - love you!

Disclaimer: Well, J.K. Rowling did make everyone wait between reads, but this seems a little extreme, even for her! I am simply a humble amateur writer who loves praise and affection :)

* * *

Lily Evans did not like broom closets. They were not the most comfortable of places, nor were they the cleanest, and the implications of being caught in one with another person led to gossip and rumours that could carry on multiplying for weeks. The small, cramped space of a broom closet was not something she was particularly familiar with, and she had made no plans to change that fact. She definitely had not planned to be dragged into one on her way back from dinner that night, and it was beyond any doubt that she had not planned to be dragged into said broom closet by James Potter. Yet once it had happened, she could not say that she was surprised in the slightest.

"Is this necessary?" she asked exasperatedly, though one look at his expression led her to shut her mouth immediately.

Looking around for something to sit on, she managed to find an upturned crate and planted herself down before daring to look back at Potter, who still had the exact same look on his face. The range of emotions she found was overwhelming, recognizing everything from anger to confusion to sadness to...hope? Would he be so hopeful to confront her about everything she had done?

She had expected Potter to begin chastising her the moment he shut the door, but over a minute had passed without a single word from him. The now uncomfortably familiar feeling of tension grew within her as the silence went on, and while the thought of breaking the silence continued to roll through Lily's mind, she had the feeling that he wouldn't respond well to that – he was the one to drag her in here, so he would be the one to start talking.

In an attempt to distract herself from the silence, Lily decided she needed to concentrate on something else. Unfortunately, the only thing that was continuous enough to keep her attention was Potter's stupid hand running through his stupid messy hair, but as soon as she had thought about it, she couldn't stop herself from counting. It seemed now more than ever that this action was a nervous habit, despite previously thinking of it as nothing more than attention-seeking, and Lily began to wonder just how frustrated he was when her count went beyond ten.

Lily was usually a very patient person, but being confined with Potter had her on edge, and though she knew she was risking a lot by speaking, she tried to ask as casually as possible if he wanted anything in particular. Unfortunately, she had only spoken two words before he interrupted her by sighing loudly and, yet again, raised his hand to move through his hair...and then something in her snapped.

"Must you keep doing that!" Lily cried, rising from the crate. She watched as he stopped dead, hand mid-way through his hair, with a genuine look of panic on his face. "You claim to be in love with me for years and then you turn around and treat me like a piece of dirt! You think that you're so much _better_ than me, that you're _above_ me, James Potter, but you're not! You parade around this school like you own it, cursing anyone who looks at you the wrong way and dragging people into broom closets when you have a problem!"

"Do you think I wanted to pull you in here, to be in this situation with _you_!"

That question pulled her up short. All of the humour and sarcasm she would have expected from him was absent, his voice sounding just as harsh as her own had, and then Lily found herself at the receiving end of his genuine fury for the first time in five years.

"I know exactly what you're going through right now, the confusion and the guilt and everything that goes with knowing something like this because I've been there too. The three of us have been there and experienced it all, and what I needed to come to terms with it was someone forcing me to accept it for what it was, so don't accuse me of treating you poorly when all I did was try to help. I wanted you to admit it a week ago and to trust that it wouldn't change anything, but of course you got on your high horse and jumped to conclusions!"

He was suddenly very close to her, a look of dead seriousness on his face as he said much more quietly, "telling Sirius might have made you feel better, but it won't go away until you speak with Remus. He needs to know, and you need to hear the explanation from him. You might think you know everything about this, Evans, but you really don't know anything."

"Why do people keep telling me that? If you're all that concerned with my lack of knowledge on the subject then please fill me in, because I don't know what you expect from me. Not more than a week ago I was living a perfectly ordinary life and then this happened, so stop treating me like an insolent child and actually ask my opinion instead of getting on _your_ high horse and jumping to _your own_ conclusions!"

Lily jumped up from the crate and pushed past Potter to grab the door handle, thrusting it open and storming out before he had a chance to stop her. As she strode down the corridor, Lily pointedly ignored his cries of protest and loud footfalls until he was right in front of her, blocking her path.

"I didn't mean to-"

"If you expect to have a proper, adult conversation with me about this then don't shove me in a broom closet and interrogate me for answers," Lily stated plainly before stepping around him and continuing towards the staircases. "I'm going downstairs to study now, so you can do whatever you want."

Reaching the staircases, Lily couldn't help but feel a little smug as only her set of footsteps echoed through the corridor. Though she hoped that her next encounter with Potter would give her some answers, she knew that she couldn't keep ignoring the elephant in the room – her conversation with Remus could not be put off much longer.

* * *

Lily Evans loved the library. It, like many other places in Hogwarts, exuded the impression of magic and history that even after five years she still could not help but be in awe of. Coming from the muggle world, the simplest of magical things would make Lily smile, and so such a place was always pleasant and entertaining to her. And yet, there were several other things that set it apart from other places in the school – the natural silence that made studying all too easy, the corridors and tables that were mostly free of students, the hours upon hours of escapism that the books provided, the smell of old parchment and dust that was oddly comforting to Lily, and, of course, the undeniable sense of tranquillity that overcame her whenever she knew she was nowhere near Potter.

With that last factor specifically in mind, as well as her slowly growing pile of homework, Lily situated herself at the very back of the library, far away from prying eyes and gossip as she tended to her studies in peace. Allowing her quill to move along the parchment at a leisurely pace, Lily attempted to get lost in the theory of switching spells and ignore the outside would completely. She could feel the tension from between her shoulder blades begin to disappear as she focused on the text in front of her, the prospect of spending an hour or two without disruption easing the now nearly-constant anxiety from her body almost as well as one of Madam Pomfrey's calming draughts.

Having already completed two feet of her parchment, Lily paused to read over her work when she noticed something move out of the corner of her eye. She glanced over at the bookshelves to her left and found nothing out of the ordinary, and yet the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as a knot of unease began to form in her stomach again.

Taking a deep breath and returning her attention to the parchment, Lily managed to keep her mind on track and focused again on her writing, re-reading her work quickly and gathering the textbook closer to distract from her unconscious apprehension. Skimming over the first few paragraphs again, she found her place and continued to read for a few minutes, until a deep thud from directly behind caused her to jump in fright.

Lily spun around in her chair and without thought drew her wand, but once again found no indication to another presence. Rising slowly, she cautiously made her way over to the wall of books and peeked through a gap in the shelf to find nothing out of place. Despite this, the sensation of eyes watching her made the once comforting silence of the library now feel harrowing in comparison, and Lily wanted nothing more than to gather up her things and find somewhere with more people. And yet, a greater part of her longed to find the person responsible for her fear and ask why exactly they were wandering around the library haunting people, and so Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and went off in pursuit of her follower.

Rounding the corner of the aisle, Lily squared her shoulders and hoped that at the very least she looked confident. As expected she found no one standing before her, but she keenly noted the movement of dust from the shelves and knew that someone had been there only moments before. With this newfound confirmation she was off in pursuit of the onlooker, attempting to keep her movements as quiet as possible in the near-silent library.

Lily hurried down corridor after corridor, but soon came to the realisation that whoever it was had disappeared, and so defeated, returned to her table. She was furious with herself for letting them get away, but also nervous that she didn't know their identity or reason for watching her like they had.

As Lily returned to the alcove at the back of the library, she felt her heart fly up into her throat at the sound of footsteps from around the corner where the table would be. Was it her mystery follower coming back to find her? How had they possibly evaded her that quickly, and managed to return here without crossing her path? Confidently navigating the library was something that most students weren't capable of doing, instead choosing to spend their time elsewhere. Lily was one of the few that frequented it enough to realise just how much time her new _companion_ did too, and that meant one thing – she must know them.

And yet, as Lily stepped around the final bookshelf she was certainly not prepared for who was waiting for her. Yes, she did know him, and yes, she now understood how she was previously evaded so easily. What Lily didn't understand, however, was how James Potter seemed to know the layout of the library so well or why he felt it necessary to behave in that way towards her knowing full well her mental state. She never knew that he could be so cruel.

"You?" was all she could manage to say as his eyes darted up from the bundle of parchment in his hands to finally notice her presence.

His expression was almost bored as he murmured, "you wanted to know everything, so here it is. This explains everything."

Lily's eyes moved from Potter to the pile of parchment and back, too distracted by her earlier encounters to fully comprehend what he was saying. Potter had been the one to taunt her after all they had spoken about. He had purposely found her with the intention of messing with her mind, which he knew full well was not entirely stable right now, just to inflate his own ego.

One more look at his face, and she lost it.

"Do you get some sick pleasure out of scaring me, Potter! Honestly, just leave me alone!" she cried, gathering her things together and purposefully ignoring the parchment left there by him.

"What on earth are you talking about, Evans? I just got here-"

Sliding her bag over her shoulder and heading towards the exit, Lily turned and said, "Here I was thinking that you actually cared about my mental state. Please, forgive me."

Lily made it all of three steps before he was blocking her path, thrusting the parchment into her arms before she had a chance to stop him. "Look, Evans, I don't know what you think I did, but if you're talking about your _boyfriend_ who was just here then direct your anger at him, not me. Just take the damn parchment.

"Oh, and I was also coming here to apologise for earlier, but I guess that's not necessary anymore."

While she was aware of Potter's footsteps disappearing, she was momentarily distracted by movement in her arms. Glancing down, she noticed the slightest bit of parchment peeking out from behind the others - it appeared to be drawn on, but the images were noticeably moving across the page.

Pulling it out from the pile, Lily's breath caught in her throat at what she saw. The entire piece of parchment was crawling with life, its scribbled words and drawings moving everywhere in a strange pattern. Intricate pathways defined each individual space, creating boundaries for tiny black particles. The little dots were weaving and shifting around others with natural purpose, each accompanied by a scrawled title, and while it took a moment, the true nature of the parchment became clear to Lily.

"Impossible," she gasped, running her fingers over the most visible dot, unmoving with _Lily Evans_ floating above it. Taking a large step to her left, Lily watched as the dot shifted out from under her thumb to stop again in place.

Letting her eyes roam across the map, Lily found the dot identifying _James Potter_ bobbing along what must have been the 3rd floor corridor, and despite the vast amount of students found on the parchment, only one other name was even remotely close to where Lily resided, down the other end of the library – _Severus Snape_.

And suddenly, everything made perfect sense.

* * *

Lily Evans hated being proven wrong. As someone who took pride in her intelligence, she sought to constantly challenge herself and aim for higher heights with her knowledge on all practical topics. She would spend her spare time studying for upcoming tests and projects, and was rarely disappointed with the use of her time, gaining near-perfect grades since her beginning at Hogwarts. This level of awareness with her schooling meant that a mistake or forgotten fact was even rarer, and each occurrence merely made her strive harder for success.

Lily Evans also hated being outdone. Now, she happily accepted students like Remus beating her in classes, particularly with everything she had learnt recently, and was even gracious enough to ask him for help if she didn't completely understand a passage or wand movement. Severus had always been much better at Potions than she was, and when it came to Herbology, Megan Cartwright from Hufflepuff clearly had a natural talent. Lily often saw them from across the library in their breaks or scribbling extra notes at breakfast, and their equal determination to be successful made coming second a lot less upsetting. That being said, if Potter and his band of misfits managed to come out on top without putting in an ounce of effort one more time she was certain that her head would explode, polite pretences be damned.

Needless to say, when Lily Evans was both proven wrong and outdone in the one occasion, by none other than James Potter, she barely knew what to do with herself. Wrapping her mind around that map alone left her feeling inadequate and mystified at the same time. After all, the magic required to create it was well beyond their fifth-year curriculum, more like advanced seventh-year work and beyond, and its complexity almost made her doubt their involvement in its construction altogether. And yet, it clearly had them written all over it, and managed to explain how they were so successful with their escapades.

The map was also the main reason for the confliction within her right now. Lily knew she had been wrong to accuse him in the library and felt terrible for it, but it was her pride that had stopped her from apologising five days ago when she found out exactly who had been watching her. Had it been anyone else, the idea of admitting her mistake wouldn't have seemed so painful, but the simple fact that it was Potter meant that Lily viewed the situation in a whole new light. As embarrassing as it seemed, she was worried about his reaction, that she had upset or offended him beyond belief when he had only been trying to help her.

Even after admitting that to herself, Lily still couldn't bring herself to say 'Alright, today's the day'. She had no excuses left. She knew exactly where he resided – his incredibly detailed map made sure of that. She had rehearsed her apology over and over again in her head until she was sure that she would never forget the words. She had even checked over her class schedule to find a suitable time to fit the inevitable conversation in.

She knew that time was running out already. They only shared one break that day, and it was almost a quarter over by the time she gathered up enough courage to search for him on the map. After a few minutes of carefully scanning the parchment, she was thankful to find him alone in an empty classroom on the sixth floor – she certainly wouldn't have had any chance to do this if he was with his friends.

Not allowing herself to get caught up in the idea of _going to apologise to James Potter_, Lily delicately folded up the map along with everything else he had given her in the library before setting off quickly. Checking her watch as she reached the sixth floor, Lily found that she had just over half an hour to discuss everything with him, and turned the handle of the door before she could talk herself out of it.

Potter was lounging in the farthest chair from the door, the Professor's chair, his feet crossed on the desk and a book in his hand. The chair was on a precarious lean with only the back two legs touching the ground, but he didn't seem too concerned as he pushed his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose before turning the page of his book. He didn't appear to have noticed her at all and, Lily noted, seemed perfectly at ease alone in the unused classroom. She also regrettably thought about how little she saw him like this, their last few encounters leaving him looking more stressed then anything, and she almost wanted to leave him to his peace. But knowing that was just another excuse she would use to get out of the situation, Lily quietly cleared her throat to get his attention.

He started at the sound and quickly lost his balance in the chair, the book flying out of his hands as he fell backwards and hit the ground with a solid **thump**.

Rushing over to the desk, Lily heard a groan of pain quickly followed by a chuckle. "Are you alright?" she asked, watching him rub the back of his head gingerly before sitting up.

"Evans, I've taken a bludger to the ribs at fifty feet, I can handle falling off a chair," he replied simply, finding his book and rising swiftly. "I suppose I'm going to get a lecture for that, too, am I?"

"Oh please, I may take my role of Prefect seriously but I'm not a _harpy_!"

"Could have fooled me," he murmured under his breath, thumbing the corner of his book with sudden interest.

Lily's mouth fell open in shock, yet she couldn't manage to make a single sound come out. Imagining herself to look a bit like a floundering fish out of water, she forced her mouth shut, at least until she could come up with an intelligent and witty response to his statement. After all, what he said was completely out of line, calling her names and accusing her of such a thing when she had only tried to be polite!

And then, of course, it all dawned on her.

Sighing in resignation, Lily crossed her arms and turned away to face the windows. "I suppose I deserve that," she mumbled, refusing to turn around and meet his gaze. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what exactly?" he prompted.

Exhaling noisily in frustration, she let her determination give way and spun around until she was eye to eye with him again. "You know how difficult this is for me," she ground out from between her teeth.

"Yes I do, because I tried to do it five days ago." He had repositioned himself while her back had been turned, once again lounging on the teachers chair with his book opened, though Lily could see from there that his eyes were not moving. Lily thought she saw his guard fall, a certain vulnerability in his expression that she had not seen since that day in the Hospital Wing tending for Remus, and then she realised that she had in fact upset him.

After all she had done recently Lily had not been surprised to find Potter so protective of his friend. His defensive behaviour was completely expected, trying to warn her away from the emotion turmoil he had experienced himself. What had caught her off-guard were his attempts, though slightly misguided, to help her through it once she knew everything. He had been prepared to put aside his pride and usual demeanour for her, and look how she had repaid him – by upsetting him deeply. She had pushed him away when he was one of the only people in the world who understood what she was going through. She had hurt him, and now she needed to fix it.

Focusing on that thought and nothing else, Lily strode over to the desk and perched herself on the edge by James, who was pointedly ignoring her movement at all. Waiting patiently for any response, she was met by stony silence until a few minutes had past with nothing more than the turning of a page. Clearing her throat discreetly did nothing but make the silence more noticeable. Tapping her fingernails against the wood of the desk actually earned her a slight glare before his eyes returned to the book.

Lily had spent enough time listening to silence. Deciding to be proactive, she reached out and delicately picked the book from his grasp before he had time to realise her intentions. The glare she got for that was much fiercer than the first had been.

Folding the book together gently in her lap, Lily gave him a slight smile before stating quietly, "I can't do this properly if you're not listening. I'm sorry, James," she began, realising the slip just too late. His eyes shot up in shock, noticing too – she had never called him by his first name alone before. At least she had his full attention now.

"I am sorry. I'm sorry for the way I've treated Remus, and the way I've treated all of you. I'm sorry that I misjudged you, and accused you of things that were completely unfair. I'm sorry that I ignored you when you tried to help me. And I am truly sorry that I've hurt you.

"I know that I've acted wrongly throughout this whole situation. I've done things and said things and thought things that I never thought were even possible for me and in doing that, I've gone and involved myself in your lives when I had no right. And I've spent this whole time feeling sorry for myself for knowing it when I should be feeling sorry for all of you. I delved into your personal lives and found out things that no one needs to know, let alone me, and I know that I have compromised parts of myself to do it. I'm sorry."

Lily barely registered the slow rising of his eyebrows, or the slight curve on the left side of his mouth, but once noticed, she stopped completely. There was no way that he could possibly find her apology amusing, and yet his face suggested just that.

"What?" she breathed, waiting for whatever explanation she was sure he had prepared.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he asked simply.

"Get _what_?"

He sighed deeply, leaning forward on his chair towards her. "Look, Evans, don't get me wrong, I was definitely angry with you for trying to figure out Remus – it's not fair for him to work so hard at keeping it quiet for you guess it anyway. But that's not the only thing that made me angry.

Lily watched as he shifted slightly in his seat, gaze falling as a tinge of pink appeared at the base of his cheekbones. "You knew that Remus was a werewolf for nearly a week before you decided to tell anyone. You internalised it all and tried to deal with on your own, and I had to watch you go through all of that knowing exactly what was wrong. I've been through everything you're experiencing but I couldn't do a thing until you actually admitted what you knew. I had to sit and watch you hurting, knowing I couldn't help you unless you, however unlikely, came to me."

Her heart thudded uncomfortably at his confession. His complete willingness to be honest and vulnerable in front of her left Lily at a loss of what to do. After all, she had struggled with the very idea of opening up to James, when in return he did just that with a confidence that preceded her.

When she truly thought about it, James had always been perfectly honest with her about things. Of course he had protected Remus' secret, all of their secrets, but with everything else he had never once held back or lied to her.

She distinctly remembered their very first encounter as timid little first years waiting to be sorted. Naturally James had not appeared timid at all, quite the contrary in fact, standing tall next to Sirius as they entered the Great Hall to a crowd of older students standing in their seats to get a better look at them. She had been nearby, squeezing Severus' elbow fiercely as they came to a stop and Professor McGonagall announced the first name.

Within minutes Sirius had been called up to the Hat, and the entire hall broke out into whispers.

"Looks like we're stuck with him," Severus had said, pointing at Sirius' neck sticking out from beneath the large hat. "He's a Black, and every one of them goes into Slytherin."

"So they all strive for success, then?" Lily had asked quietly in reply, though it seemed that James had heard her clearly and turned around at her question.

"Is that what he's been telling you, then? That Slytherins 'strive for success'? I expect he said that Gryffindors are all a bunch of hotheads with egos the size of Gringotts too? What a load of rubbish! Gryffindors are brave, Ravenclaws are smart, Hufflepuffs are loyal, and Slytherins are cunning. Make no mistake where he," he said, nodding his head at Severus, "is going, but everyone has a choice in the end – don't make the wrong one just because you're uninformed. After all, you look like you'd make a good Gryffindor."

"I wasn't aware it was any of your business, _Potter_. Besides, Black has about as much choice as a house elf."

"Don't be so sure," had been James' only reply, as he was cut off with the cry of "GRYFFINDOR!" from the Sorting Hat. The whispers grew louder and were accompanied by gasps and cries as Sirius had strode confidently over to the Gryffindor table, completely aware of the attention but ignoring it all in favour of gleaming over at James in the line.

Soon enough, her time had come, and Lily finally let go of Severus' arm and made the slow walk up towards the Sorting Hat's stool. The moment it had descended on her head, a deep rumbling voice had begun muttering about her intelligence and her reliability and her deep desire to fit in, quickly informing her that she had true qualities of all four houses within her.

"It is a matter of where you truly belong, and where your heart truly lies," the Hat had said. "You have no parentage to rely on, nor do you completely trust the words of your peers. You have a great deal of loyalty, but Hufflepuff is perhaps not entirely right for someone with your emotional strength. Your intellect and drive lend both to Ravenclaw and Slytherin, but that heart beats with the power of a Gryffindor indeed. But where is it that you truly belong?"

She had thought about Severus, and immediately the Hat began again. "He believes that he is a Slytherin with no doubt, and you wish for the friendship to continue. So, does your veracity overpower your desire to stay with him?"

Of course she wanted to remain friends with Severus, he had been her first true friend in the magical world. He had already introduced her to so much that she felt indebted to him for being so understanding. But what the Potter boy had said stuck in her mind like a thistle – "and Slytherins are cunning". Was she really that cunning? She didn't think so. The one thing holding her to the idea of Slytherin was Severus, but surely they could be friends in different houses, right? Hopefully he wouldn't be too upset, but Lily knew in her heart that she was not a Slytherin and he would need to accept that.

"You would be willing to challenge yourself alone without him. That takes a great deal of courage, a true Gryffindor trait. But it is up to you – where do _you_ belong?"

She thought of Sirius, being so brave as to defy his heritage and go where he truly belonged. Lily had never thought of herself as brave, but she admired it so much in others that if she had the opportunity to put herself among them, she would take that chance. After all, the Hat had seen it within her, and even with the crude descriptions of Gryffindor from Severus in her mind she still couldn't help but be drawn to the idea of it. Perhaps she was a Gryffindor at heart.

And the next thing she knew, the Hat was crying "GRYFFINDOR!" and McGonagall was pulling it off her head and she was stumbling her way down to the far table, purposefully not searching for the pair of grey eyes she knew would be watching her.

"I saw you on the train," came a voice from her left immediately, and Lily had turned to find Sirius Black speaking to her. "I was sure you'd end up in Slytherin, the way you clung to _him_. James was right though, you must be a Gryffindor."

That was the second time she had heard that said about her, and also the first time she had learnt the name of James Potter.

"Why did he think that?" She had asked quietly, glancing over at the line of first years and meeting a pair of smiling hazel eyes.

"He said you were too good to end up like Snape, so you'd have to go in the opposite direction. What could be more opposite to Slytherin than Gryffindor?"

Despite the ill words against her only friend, Lily couldn't help but be charmed by the strange boy. After all, he had judged her worthy enough to belong in his clear house of choice when they hadn't even spoken before their moment in the line. Still looking over at him, she decided to give him a small smile in return, hoping that she may have just made a new friend.

And now, five years later, after everything they had been through, Lily was again staring into those hazel eyes with one thing on her mind – she was thankful that he was there.

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A/N: Hello again! I will firstly say that this is NOT the end of James and Lily's conversation - the next chapter will pick up right where this one left off. Thank you all SO MUCH for reading, and PLEASE review so that I may have at the very least some false hope that people still enjoy this! The next one will be up as soon as it's completed, and if all goes to plan, it will be the LAST ONE! *tear*

Love, Lucia-Swanne :)


	10. Vulnerability

A/N: Hello again my lovely readers! Firstly, I definitely wanted to write another long and repetitive rant about being sorry for the chapter taking so long, but I'm pretty sure no one really read the last one, so I'll just do this really quick - I'M SORRY! Uni has been far more hectic than I first anticipated - I literally haven't had the oppertunity to open the word document for this story in the past 3 weeks, considering all of my spare time was dedicated to the short film I'm working on at uni right now. So, two days ago I sat down and managed to finish this chapter in 2 hours - quite a feat! I guess in some weird way the little break helped me finish this chapter faster, if that makes any logical sense (if it doesn't, I apologise, but I'm still a little muddled from uni haha). So anyway, this chapter picks up right where we left off - James and Lily's conversation. As always with my writing, the chapter managed to go off on a few tangents that I hadn't initially planned for, but I'm pretty happy with this chapter and I think that it covered almost everything there was to cover with their conversation. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, and I also hope you like the way I've covered their relationship, so let me know what you think in a fabulous REVIEW! My ego will thank you! Ummmm, not much else to say, just that I haven't yet started the next chapter (literally just finished proofing this one and didn't want to make you wait any longer) but I'm fairly certain that it will NOT be the final chapter - I've discovered some more things that I feel need to be resolved before the conclusion of this tale. I will endeavour to smash it out as fast as possible, but I'm sure you are all used to these final chapters taking a little while, so please stick with me and I promise I will spend as much time as I can on making them amazing! As a little present, I can confirm that this is the longest chapter to date at just under 6000 words (probably more now I've written all of this ramble), so I sincerely hope it lives up to whatever standard you have created! Rhet, I love you, and I hope that this continuous birthday present isn't too painful to deal with! A giant THANK YOU to everyone who has continued to put with my schedule and is still reading this story - I appreciate it more than you can imagine! So, enough of me raving on like a mad woman (I know this is all over the place)...enjoy the chapter and PLEASE review! :)

Disclaimer: There's more chance of me being Lauren Lopez, and we all know that isn't true either (imaginary redvines to anyone who know's who she is!)

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Vulnerability is a scary thing. The very idea of opening up your heart, your soul, your entire self to another person and trusting them with it seems completely ridiculous and foolish. Firstly, you need to find someone worthy of trusting with your fragile little secrets, someone who you know will never judge you or betray you, no matter what. Someone who will support you through it all, no questions asked, without expecting a single thing in return. But somehow, finding that person is still the easiest part, because no matter how much you believe in them, your heart will always cry out in protest, finding the smallest of doubts and magnifying them until suddenly it is all you can see. It makes you push through all of that doubt, ensuring that they are indeed the right person to share yourself with; but those doubts never ever go away, not truly. And so when the time comes time to open up to that other person, your heart screaming so loud that you're convinced they can hear it too, your palms sweating and your breath becoming shallow and your throat drying up until you're almost positive that your heart was right all along – they aren't worthy of knowing. That thought consumes your mind, and even if you somehow manage to push past all of that and actually tell them everything, the hardest part is still to come. You then have that moment of waiting to see who was right in the end – your heart or your head. You wait to see if they really will support you through it all, no questions asked, and without expecting a single thing in return, or if you were wrong.

What most people don't think about, though, is what it is like to be the other person. One day, right out of the blue, they come to you and ask to talk alone. You're confused and suspicious of course, and maybe you've had an inkling about something before, but the moment they start to tell you it becomes clear that you had no idea at all. You sit there listening and watching them carefully, seeing just how scared and vulnerable they are, and then it doesn't matter an inch if you're shocked and scared yourself, because they have gone and told _you_ this very special part of them. They chose you and now you can somehow see what you didn't before: the suffering and pain that they have gone through for this long without anyone, the invisible weight that has now lifted from their shoulders, the absolute insecurity in their eyes as they finish talking and wait for you to respond. Now there is an unseen but very clearly there expectation, one that ninety percent of the time doesn't need to be there, that has already made the decision for you. You know that you can't possibly disappoint them, not even if you wanted to, not when you can so unmistakably feel that pressure. Of course they don't purposefully impose it on you, but even so it is still there lurking in the back of your mind, replaying the look in their eyes again and again until you know without a doubt that you could never hurt them.

That was how Lily felt right in that moment. While James' confession was seemingly not as monumental as Remus' or Sirius' had been, she still knew the great significance of his words. He had let his guard down and admitted to being concerned for her wellbeing, something that did not happen often. Despite his claim of profound love, James had never really taken a great deal of interest in her besides hassling her over dates or homework. Sure, he stared at her a lot during classes and mealtimes, and he certainly made his _affections_ known to everyone in the castle, but Lily had always put it down to being a teenage boy. Of course he was going to fawn over a girl at some point, and she had always assumed that by some act of fate (or cruelty) she had become that girl.

But after all she had gone through, Lily had begun looking at their entire relationship in a different light. The last few weeks had been the most trying and difficult of her life, leaving her feeling exposed to the very people she never anticipated having relationships with beyond the necessary. Sweet Remus, so unaware of it all and still as kind as ever towards her; Lily honestly didn't know if she would receive the same treatment after their inevitable discussion. Along with that, she could not help but also feel isolated. After all, the only other three people to have gone through her experiences were less than friendly to her at the best of times, let alone when she invaded their personal lives and that of their best friend. Yet James was being perfectly amicable, further than so considering the circumstances, and had gone further still by admitting his feelings and allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of her when the very thought of reciprocation made her chest feel weighed down and uncomfortable.

But even with those painful feelings, Lily knew that she could not disappoint James again. She had spent these weeks questioning her own actions and the values they reflected, so sure that her usual sense of right and wrong had somehow failed her. After all of that doubt and reflection, there were only a handful of things of which she was absolutely certain. Firstly, that her invasion of Remus' privacy, and the privacy of the other boys, was unforgivable. Secondly, that she would need to do everything in her power to make things right and prove how sorry she was, both to herself and to the four other people involved. And finally, that despite all aversions to the idea, Lily would need to accept James Potter's help in fixing things, even if that involved being vulnerable with him.

And so there he was, sitting in the Professors chair of the empty classroom, looking up at her and still searching for any kind of response to his last statement, yet assuredly finding none. At least not yet.

Knowing what had to come, Lily Evans made the decision that chilled her to the bone and left her feeling on fire all at once. Though she knew she would feel differently later, the prospect of doing this was almost beyond that of confessing to Remus. At least with him she knew what to expect – he would be angry and upset with her and probably take a great deal of time to come to terms with the knowledge of somebody else discerning his secret. But one way or another James had become a sort of mystery to her, rarely meeting her expectations and keeping her constantly on edge. She could predict a thousand different reactions from him and never guess the right one, and that lack of foresight left Lily feeling extremely uncomfortable, and so she searched for something else to concentrate on until the moment passed, finding her attention drawn in by the book in her hands.

Up until this point, Lily had given no thought to the book James had been reading, but looking upon it now she was stunned to find a copy of _Peter Pan_ in her hands. The pages appeared exceptionally worn and yellowed, and Lily noticed numerous page corners with small creases in them, hinting to the level of attention given to the book.

Beyond all else Lily was astounded that James actually owned a copy of a muggle novel, let alone enjoyed it enough to read it so often, but the clear similarities between him and Peter were enough to convince her of his interest in it. After all, Lily could remember reading the very same story as a young girl and dreaming of being whisked off to a magical world away from reality like Wendy...and it had happened. It had not been at all the way she had imagined, but nonetheless that acceptance letter to Hogwarts hand-written by Dumbledore himself, which she still kept tucked away safely at the bottom of her trunk, had acted like her very own Peter Pan.

Of course James would enjoy comparing himself to the devilishly cheeky and clever Peter Pan. He was the embodiment of everything that James and Sirius appeared to want in life – constantly playing games and pranks with his friends, never worrying about needing to grow up and face the responsibilities of the adult world, always having fun. They certainly acted the part on a regular basis; perhaps James had lent Sirius the book.

Despite all comparisons, the look on James' face in that moment defined just how different they were. He had most certainly grown up and was already facing responsibilities beyond his years, handling Remus' secret with a maturity that she would have never thought possible before all of this. Of course he still acted like a child on occasion, particularly around Sirius, but he had lost a little of his childhood spark – she could see it in his eyes. Lily imagined that her eyes looked quite the same now, somehow deeper and darker than before, and she silently mourned the loss of her child-like innocence and naivety about the world. But it had to happen eventually, and at least Lily could say that it was hardly something as bad as what happened to Remus.

And, Lily reminded herself quickly, she had James to help her through it, she just had to follow her terrifying decision to lower her guard and let him in. Doing it would certainly make her feel better, and would act as a sort of warm-up to confessing all to Remus, but even still Lily couldn't stop her palms sweating or her heart from pounding against her ribcage in complaint. A ball of anxiety had formed deep in her stomach, rolling around and making her feel worse, particularly after the first words left her mouth without so much as a warning to her overly-cautious brain.

"I'm scared."

For a moment Lily wasn't positive that she had spoken at all – that's what she was praying for anyway. Hoping to play it off as nothing more than an exhale of breath, she looked back down at the book in her hands discreetly but could definitely feel James' eyes on her.

In the back of her mind, Lily registered that she had just switched sides completely – she had gone from hearing James' secret to revealing her own in the span of just a few minutes. And yet, it was still in one way or another the furthest thing from her mind, as it was now far too concerned with panicking over her mouth's pre-emptiveness. Of course it was what she had planned to do, to open herself up to James, but being so overly blunt with her very first statement had not set up the conversation in the way Lily had hoped.

Thinking quickly, Lily came to the conclusion that silence had not been her friend in recent times, and so made the logical decision to keep talking. "I'm scared stiff to talk with Remus. I'm scared of his reaction, and that he will hate me for everything that I've done to him, to the four of you. And I'm absolutely terrified that all of you will forever think the worst of me for my actions these past weeks."

Finally drawing breath and closing her mouth, Lily waited impatiently, anxiously, terrifyingly for James' response. Was this how it had felt for him, to sit there waiting for any sort of positive reaction; even a neutral one, just hoping and praying for that at the least? While she had just done the very thing he hoped for, Lily knew she hadn't appropriately responded to his words, and hoped that he understood her acceptance of him – surely it was obvious by her willing confession just now.

"I think we need to clear something up," James spoke for the first time in almost ten minutes. He looked incredibly serious as he stared up at her, and for a moment Lily was certain that he was going to send her crashing down with rejection, but he in some way seemed to sense this and smiled at her. Something about the way he smiled managed to slow her beating heart to the point that Lily could have almost called calm, a fact that was ever so slightly unnerving but ultimately a great relief to her, and so she felt comfortable to listen to whatever he had to say.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't troubled by what's happened. We have all tried to so hard to keep this from happening because we saw just how upset Remus was when we told him what we knew. He was so _sure_ that we would desert him and tell the whole school about it, that he would be expelled and lose his only chance at getting an education. We want, more than anything, to protect him from feeling those things again. He got so worked up over it with us, and was practically unconscious when he found out about Snape, so I hope you understand that we only wanted to look out for him.

"We certainly don't hate you, nor do we think little of you. How could we when we did the exact same thing two years ago? We clued everything together just like you did, only it took us a lot longer; Remus was very persistent with his excuses, for good reason of course. But Lily, we could never...I could _never_ think badly of you, even and especially after this. You are one of the most incredible people I've ever met," he finished quietly, eyes deftly averted.

A short silence rang out, and Lily tried to process what James had just said. However, her brain was sufficiently muddled with his poignant words, and so by the time she had almost managed to understand the power of the small speech he just gave, James had clearly sensed the tension and begun speaking once more with little notice other than the clearing of his throat.

"And as for Remus, well, Remus could never hate anyone, not even if he tried. I'm actually quite sure he's tried to hate Sirius half a dozen times and never come close to succeeding. He is just too understanding and forgiving for his own good, really."

More silence.

"Alright, seriously, what's still bothering you?" James asked, leaning forward in his chair towards her. "It's written all over your face."

Lily felt the heat rise in her face, but her resolve was strong. She knew that she had to be honest with James if she had any hope of getting through the whole situation. "I'm worried that I've gone too far, done too much to go back to the way I was before. I'm scared that I've lost the old me."

And then James did the cruellest thing – he laughed. Lily sat there and stared in complete astonishment as he laughed at her, his whole body shaking and tears forming at the creases of his eyes. She could feel the same thing happening to her own eyes but from hurt and shame, and she promptly thrust the copy of _Peter Pan_ as hard as she could at him before sliding off the desk.

Lily quickly felt James' fingers wrap around her wrist to prevent her from moving, though he still had not managed to control his laughter. Tugging against his powerful grip was no use, Lily soon discovered, and so she found herself caught listening to his unbelievable amusement while wanting nothing more than for the world to open up and swallow her whole.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, shaking his head while visibly trying to remove the smile from his face without much success. "I'm so sorry. But Lily...Lily, you don't _honestly_ think that, do you?"

Humiliation consumed her, and suddenly Lily felt a thousand times more vulnerable then when she had been speaking to James. After all, he now knew her innermost fears and had the power to use them against her, just like he was now – he was making an utter mockery of her pain. Tears now stung at her eyes, quickly welling over and spilling down her cheeks as she struggled to keep her breathing steady.

"Shit, Lily," James muttered, pulling her gently back until she was standing right beside him. "I really didn't mean to laugh like that, I swear."

He reached up with his free hand to wipe a tear away before taking her other hand in his and squeezing it reassuringly. "You have to look at it from my perspective. Sirius, Peter and I figured out Remus' secret two years ago, just like you've done. We felt bad, of course, but we knew that knowing that about him would only end up helping Remus in the long run. We would always be there if he needed us, and that's a hell of a lot more than he had before.

"We would do anything to make his life easier. You know that, though, don't you? Now that you know _everything_."

Lily could sense that he was teasing her, though she still couldn't stop herself from being furious with him. After all, he had had the audacity to laughat her after all she had just revealed!

"Over the last few years we have lied to teachers, missed classes, snuck out of bed at night, wandered the grounds at night, stolen from Pomfrey's stores, taken library books on everything from charms to healing, broken about a hundred other school rules, broken _Ministry law_ for Remus and you think you've done something bad? Lily, you've barely scratched the surface of it all! If we've done all of that and are still the same people, then I'd be worried.

"Of course you've changed, Lily. Things like this change people, it's undeniable, but that doesn't mean that you are any more or less of a person than before. You're definitely not less, Lily, you're just...different from this experience. You know more than before, and you care more, and the feelings that you have right now prove that you haven't changed that much – you're still _you_."

And then that smile returned, the one that now seemed to still her body rather than aggravate it like before this moment. Maybe it was because she had opened up herself to him, and now they were somehow connected on a greater level than before. Maybe it was because that smile managed to say 'I've been there, and I understand; everything will be alright'. Or maybe it was because this entire experience had shown her a side of James Potter that she had previously refused to believe could possibly exist, the side that very few people outside of his dormitory got the privilege to see, the side that made him more human than Lily had ever seen before. Whatever the reason, much of the anger she had held only seconds before had dissipated, leaving just enough to remind her of what had happened without firing her up all over again. She would need to keep an eye on that smile from now on.

Lily also noted that James was still holding onto her hands, seemingly concerned that she would try to leave again. Squeezing them gently before she could stop herself, she murmured, "how do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked, eyebrows knitting together.

"Do something entirely brutal and then in the next breath say the most perfect thing. I should be throttling you right now, you know."

_That_ smile morphed into his ever-present smirk. "I can charm my way out of anything, Evans, you should know that by now."

Sighing softly, Lily pulled away from him. "James..." she began, not even knowing how to continue. He had, yet again, ruined a lovely moment with his arrogance, and now she didn't feel entirely comfortable with their close proximity as she had before. Moving back to her original spot perched on the edge of the desk – a safe distance away now – Lily contemplated her earlier threat to suffocate him, debating its worth in the situation right now.

Disappointment flashed across James' face momentarily before he composed himself. "So, did you, uh...did you bring back everything?"

Thankful for the distraction, Lily nodded and lifted her bag from the floor, looking through her books and quills until she found the small bundle of parchment that she sought. The map sat on top, folded so only the sixth floor corridor was visible, their dots sitting stationary right in the centre. Beneath it, three different pieces of parchment detailed their attempts at becoming unregistered Animagi, something Lily hadn't fully allowed herself to think about until now. As James had said, they broke Ministry law even attempting such a feat, let alone achieving it – a fact that had not even been confirmed by the boy in front of her. And finally, the last of the pile was another piece of information that had deeply flawed her, almost as much as the Animagus attempts – it was a scrawled drawing of the Hogwarts grounds and beyond, detailing a particular path leading from the exact spot on the grounds that Lily knew sat the Whomping Willow to the exact spot in Hogsmeade Village that Lily knew sat the Shrieking Shack. She wasn't positive she comprehended it completely, but one only needed to make the connections between the planting of the Whomping Willow just before the start of their first year and the rumours of the Shrieking Shack truly taking precedence over its architecture right around the same time. Lily couldn't help but be somewhat relieved by her understanding – it meant that Remus was not transforming within Hogwarts castle, a terrifying thought that had made itself known rather impressively in her dreams of late despite all belief that he was not a monster.

Handing back the parchment, Lily watched as James pulled his wand from is robes before tapping the map and muttering something under his breath. The next moment, the parchment appeared to be completely blank, a task which he performed on the rest of the pile until anyone would think that he was merely carrying a stack of unused parchment.

"How is that even possible?" Lily breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. James barely paid any attention in Charms class, certainly not enough to have learnt such a spell, but then he had just proved himself more than competent at advanced charms right in front of her; clearly he saved his talent for his extra-curricular activities.

"Remus figured it out, actually, and then taught us all. He'd make a great teacher if it weren't for...well, you know. But anyway, you don't have to worry about losing the top spot, Evans, we don't exactly strive for academic excellence and all that."

"Why not? You've all created things that could barely be done by a class of seventh years! Why not flaunt your _talent_?"

James looked at her like she had just asked who Dumbledore was. "And risk people finding out why we did it in the first place? Are you mad?"

"Why did you do it all? Why create the map," Lily asked, "and everything else? Did you seriously try becoming Animagi? Because they're as rare as the giant squid, and if you actually managed to do it you still have to be registered with the Ministry and-"

"We didn't try," he cut in bluntly, "we did."

The words died on Lily's lips. Shocked beyond belief, she could barely form a coherent sentence. "But...but you-you couldn't be...Ministry age laws state that...impossible..."

"Want proof?"

The absolute nonchalance of the way he spoke stunned her. He wasn't talking about something mundane like the weather or classes – James was actually proposing the idea of revealing their illegal activity to Lily, an action that would not only add another secret to her ever-growing list but would also implicate her if anyone else were to find out. Nonetheless, he was trusting her with everything by doing this, and Lily could hardly turn down his offer.

Obviously taking her silence as the affirmative, James rose from the chair and moved into the middle of the room.

"Not here!" Lily cried. "Anyone could walk in and see you!"

"The map disagrees, Evans," he replied, nodding towards the now blank parchment. "No one was wandering around up here; it's just you and me."

"Please...just explain it to me first. How did you do it? All of it?"

"All of it?" James said, sighing as he moved back to the desk. "Well, we found out about Remus in our second year. The disappearances were becoming too regular to ignore, and the injuries he had...well, we hardly saw them anyway, the amount of layers he kept on, but one day Sirius caught a glimpse of his back while we were changing and knew something was wrong. We spent weeks sneaking away to the library, trying to figure it out. In the end we didn't want to spook him, of course, but nothing else made sense like a werewolf did.

"He didn't react well, that's for sure. He was convinced that we'd get him expelled and tell the whole school what he was...got the shock of his life when Sirius hugged him, said that it didn't make any difference to us. It took him a while to come around to the whole thing, but eventually he calmed down and told us about it all.

"It wasn't until third year that we had the idea of becoming Animagi. Sirius thought of it, actually. He had read something from the library that said werewolves were much calmer around other animals, and we'd just been told about Animagi properly from McGonagall, and it all clicked in his head I guess. We didn't tell Remus at first; we didn't want to get his hopes up if we couldn't manage to do it. The three of us took turns sneaking into the library, again, to try and find anything on becoming Animagi, but it was really difficult because Remus spent so much time in there himself and he was apprehensive after the first time we'd started disappearing. We learnt as much as we could on our own, but the mechanics of the whole process were nearly impossible to understand from the books. Sooner or later we realised we would probably need more than those books to teach us, and McGonagall was the only person we knew who was one.

"They sent me, of course, seeing as I got the best marks in Transfiguration and they reckoned McGonagall had a soft spot for me. I thought it was a load of bollocks, and it turned out I was right – she was suspicious from the moment I asked about it. I tried almost everything, even said it was for homework, but she didn't buy it and refused to talk about it. In the end, we did the only thing we could think of – we snuck into the Restricted Section one night, praying that we would find something to help us. There were plenty of books on transforming other people into animals against their will – big surprise – but it took us almost an hour to actually find one on changing yourself.

"So long story short, we found a book that helped us a lot. We had to try and find practice times when Remus was somewhere else, which was pretty difficult, but when Sirius and I made the Quidditch team last year that gave us some extra time away 'training', and Remus thought we were just really dedicated to the team and didn't bat an eyelid. We got a lot done that year, but nothing really happened until the start of term.

"Sirius had been practicing loads over the break, and when we met on the train he insisted that he was ready to try transforming for real. Of course I'd been trying every second day too with no luck, but he was adamant that he would get it. We thought it would take ages to get away from Remus, but then he was made Prefect and had duty the first night. We waited until he'd left and then, well, Sirius hadn't been lying when he said he'd practiced – he transformed into this great big dog just like that! Swore it was the first time, but I still don't know if I believe him; it took me more than twenty goes before I managed it, and Pete nearly didn't get there at all."

"But you actually did it?" Lily interjected, taken aback. "The three of you actually _transformed_?" When he only nodded, Lily took the chance to ask her next question, "Why?"

"What do you mean why? Weren't you paying attention? Werewolves are calmer around other animals, so we figured that-"

"Wait, what? You...you're with him when he transforms! James, that's suicide! You could die!"

James just stared back at her, dumbfounded. "You have no idea how hard it is for him without us. He transforms alone in the Shrieking Shack, locked away from everything. Wolves want to run, to hunt. What do you think happens when he has nowhere to go and nothing to attack? Remus attacks _himself_ without mercy, Evans. Last full moon when we all had detention he nearly managed to rip his own feet off! He's still wearing Sirius' shoes while his toes recover properly."

Lily cringed at the thought of Remus' injuries. She could just imagine him lying there in the Hospital Wing, skin littered with bruises and scratches, feet covered in bloody bandages...she shook the ghastly images from her head. No wonder he had sounded in so much pain. She had seen some of the visible scars on his hands and neck, but Lily had no idea that he had managed to do so much damage during the last full moon; he was obviously very good at concealing his wounds. And to think that he was alone during the whole ordeal...but then the others must get hurt when they transform with him, wouldn't they? Lily had seen them with strange cuts and things before, but now that she knew the truth she shuddered to think just how they got them.

Lily looked over James' body as delicately as she could, searching for any injuries she could attribute to their monthly 'adventures'. She immediately looked to his leg where she found the scar she recognised, curving along his calf sharply. It had almost healed, but there was still the faint outline of deep marks within the scar itself, and now Lily understood why – they were teeth marks.

"Remus bit you," she stated, voice shaking, trying to hide her horror at the situation. If James had indeed been bitten by Remus, then that meant that...

"Not like you think!" he replied hastily, noting the panic on her face. "When we're in our animal form, a bite from a werewolf won't change us like it would as a human."

She nodded fervently, but felt tears tickling her eyes. Somehow that thought had affected her almost as much as her discovery of Remus; she had thought James and the others had been attacked and changed too. But this would have been so much worse – changed not by a stranger or an enemy, but a friend they were only trying to help protect from himself.

"Evans, you've got to stop crying..." James murmured quietly, reaching out and taking her hand again. "Remus is better now than he ever was before, and besides a few scratches we're no worse off. I know it's a lot to take in, but classes will be coming out soon...try to calm down..."

Taking a few deep breaths, Lily began to realise just how much time she had spent with James. While she hadn't heard the bell signalling the start of the next class, it had been far too long to still be their break, and that meant that she had completely missed her Arithmancy lesson. But despite this realisation, Lily was surprised to find that she wasn't overly troubled by this; the actual idea of not caring about consequences managed to trouble her more.

"We should probably go then," she sighed, dragging her hand away from his and wiping her cheek. She could only hope that she didn't look too blotchy, otherwise people would definitely be suspicious about her whereabouts during class. Letting her feet hit the floor, she grabbed her bag, noticing James doing the same from the corner of her eye.

Lily followed James across the classroom to the door, nearly bumping into him when he stopped just short of the door, arm outstretched to touch the handle but suddenly frozen. He turned quickly, seemingly not bothered by their closeness, and took her hand again cautiously.

"Are you okay?" he asked, a fierce look of concern on his face in spite of the returning smile.

Lily easily sensed the depth of his question. He wasn't just asking about their conversation today, or about their constant rowing over the past few weeks. He was affirming her comfort and understanding of the situation they found themselves, he was giving her the chance to speak her mind again, regardless of how poor her last attempt went, and ultimately, he was worried about her – Lily could see it in the smile that stopped her in her tracks. Somehow they had returned to the exact same moment as before, James allowing himself to be vulnerable for her, waiting anxiously for any response, and Lily with the unwilling power to choose who was right – his heart or his head. But this time, Lily knew she could trust him. Even with their never-ending arguments and his complete arrogance and her absolute unsureness, she knew that she could trust James with everything, and that left them in a decidedly different place to before. And for once, Lily knew just what to do.

She squeezed his hand tightly.

"Not in the least, you?"

His smile grew, understanding her answer completely. "Nope."

Sighing, he ran his other hand through the mess of black across his forehead, the smile slipping just slightly. "Are we okay?"

Lily reached past him and opened the door, slipping past him and squeezing his hand tightly again before moving out into the corridor. The bell echoed loudly as she turned to face him again with a grin, adjusting her bag strap on her shoulder as a classroom door behind her opened and students began filing out.

"Not in the least!" she called playfully, loud enough to carry over the noise of the other students. No one payed her much attention as she spoke, only James watching with obvious amusement as she spun on her heel and walked down the hall towards the stairs, eager for lunch and the chance to think over everything that now resided in her brain.

That was, until she rounded the corner and almost ran smack bang into the person she most needed to confront.

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A/N: so there is chapter 10! Once again, I'll ask nicely for you to review, as it helps me become a better writer, and who knows, something you comment on/suggest could make it in the story! (There are a few people already who have unknowingly contributed - thanks!). Much love, and I'll try to get the next chapter going ASAP! Lucia-Swanne :)


	11. AUTHORS UPDATE  NOT A CHAPTER  SORRY!

Hi guys! I know that updating without a chapter is evil, and that's why I haven't done it until now!

I'm posting for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm acknowledging that it is September 2nd, aka Rhet's birthday, aka 1 year since I posted the first chapter of Secrets. So this message is another place to say Happy Birthday to my darling friend, who deserved a completed story long ago...sorry Rhet! I know that you know what a busy life is like, so I hope you'll forgive me for breaking my seemingly funny promise from last year when I insisted the story would be finished before your next birthday...which it obviously isn't. My bad! :S

Secondly, I want to apologize again to all of you who enjoy reading this story! I genuinely didn't expect for it to take this long, but apparently my life is not congruent with having time to write! I myself hate those authors who never post and write updates like this, so I know exactly how you all are feeling, but I'm being 100% truthful when I say that I would love to have had time to write more and therefore finish this earlier.

The last reason is to explain exactly why it has been so long since my last post. Other than crazy life things that have come up and I won't go into detail with, I have actually been writing this story whenever I could. However, the current state of the next chapter is very different to when it started. You see, this is the third time I've written it – I got towards the end of the chapter twice and realised it was not done right for the characters in it or the story itself. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I started it again for the 3rd time a week or so ago, and I think I'm finally happy with where it's going. So please please please forgive me for taking so long with it, but I really hope that when I finally finish and post it you'll understand and enjoy it more than if I posted either of the other versions!

So, in summary – Happy birthday Rhet, sorry guys, and the next chapter will be up in the near future! SORRY SORRY SORRY! Me = bad author, I know!

Thank you to everyone who will continue to stick with this story despite my bad author-ness, and I'll post it up the second it's done and no later – promise!

Lucia-Swanne :)


	12. Friendship

A/N: Hi! I'm going to skip all of the apologies, because I figure I did enough of that in the last chapter (aka A/N update) and everything about that I would say is already in there. Basically, I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I'll briefly tell you WHY it took so long if you aren't aware...this is the 3rd time I've completely re-started this chapter, and a fair few drafts into the 3rd attempt too. It will make a bit more sense after you've read it, but re-reading the books and then watching the final movie (amazing, btw) made me realise that the way I had originally intended to structure this chapter soooo wasn't right, at all. I stopped writing for a while just to get my head around it all, tried again and realised I was still too off the mark, but eventually came back in with a fresh idea and banged it out! I'm feeling really happy about it now, so I really hope you guys like it too - that's what reviewing is for, so PLEASE let me know what you think! As always, much love to Rhet who I'm sure I've thoroughly disappointed by taking so damn long to get this done (hopefully it's not too mediocre! haha) and I really hope you enjoy it! And, dear readers, let it be known that Rhet is paying me a visit very soon, so if the next chapter (the FINAL chapter!) is not done by then I'm sure she will give me a stern talking to or a clip behind the ear to get me going again haha. I haven't started it yet (just finished skimming this one and wanted you to get it NOW) but I'm really looking forward to the last ever chapter of this story, so get ready for it! Anyway, enough of that, enjoy this chapter and PLEASE review! Also, longest chapter yet - yay!

Disclaimer: haha, I wish.

* * *

People were staring.

Lily was painfully aware of their gazes as she stood up awkwardly in the middle of the corridor, her bag still at her feet from the fall. Adjusting her skirt slightly, she reached down to grab her bag just as another hand darted out, brushing hers as it picked up her bag and held it out. Taking it with a small 'thank you', Lily felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end with the feeling of so many eyes on her.

Of course they were staring. It was common knowledge that she and Severus had not properly spoken for months, let alone been confronted by each other in the middle of the sixth floor, and people were clearly keen to see how they reacted to each other. Lily could distinctly make out Bertha Jorkins, a gossipy seventh year Hufflepuff student, whispering loudly to the person next to her; she heard the phrase 'lover's scuffle' and nearly lost her head.

After such a cleansing experience with James just minutes before, Lily felt suddenly weighed down by the presence of Severus and what seemed like half the school in the corridor that, all of a sudden, was far too small for Lily's liking. She knew that they needed to talk about their slowly fading friendship, but Lily couldn't bear to let go of the happiness she had just felt with James, something that had become fleeting in her life these past few weeks.

"What's going on?" cried a voice loudly over the hoard of students, followed without delay by James himself, who had just pushed himself to the front of the crowd. His eyes narrowed immediately at the sight of Severus, whose hand jumped to the pocket of his robes instantaneously, and realising what was happening just as quickly, Lily winced in frustration.

"Don't you dare," she directed towards James, whose own hand had slipped into his robes faster than she thought possible, "either of you!"

Severus seemed torn, not cursing James like he so obviously desired but not putting away his wand either; James at least had the decency to look embarrassed as he pocketed his own wand, but was keeping a sharp eye on his opponent.

"If you have any sense left, you'll put that away right now! I'm a Prefect, for goodness sake, I should be docking points right now!" Lily continued, eyeing Severus expectantly. She watched his gaze flicker towards the far wall where she noticed a rather large group of Slytherins watching their exchange with avid interest, some sneering when they spotted her. Turning incredulously away, she found Severus still with his wand out, peering over at the group apprehensively.

"What's this?" came another boisterous call from the group, and suddenly Sirius Black emerged next to James with Remus and Peter in tow. "Snivellus fighting in the hall? Why, Moony, I'm certain that there is a school rule against any such activity!"

Lily distinctly heard Peter murmur "That's because you've broken it that often..."

"Something must be done!" Sirius continued, either oblivious to the comment or choosing to ignore it. "Moony, I insist that you take points right away – we wouldn't want anyone getting ideas now, would we?"

"I didn't do anything," Severus spat.

"No, and I suppose it's a good thing Evans is here," James replied coolly, "for your sake, that is."

All four Marauders turned their gaze to Lily, who purposefully resisted the urge to look at Remus despite noticing how peaky he appeared. "Evans," said Sirius, "my apologies. We Marauders will, of course, step aside and allow you to continue with your punishment." He paused, and then added, "That _is_ what you were doing, wasn't it?"

Ignoring the tone of Sirius' voice, Lily turned back to Severus who still had his wand by his side. "If he puts his wand away right now, I won't have to." She heard a muffled 'Ooooooooooo' come from somewhere in the crowd, and turned to find the gang of Slytherins still standing there and smirking between her and Severus, who was now staring at his shoes and seemed greatly uncomfortable.

His wand arm seemed to twitch slightly, to which Sirius quickly called "go on, Snivellus, do as the pretty Prefect says!" Shooting Sirius a look of great contempt, Lily noticed Severus wince a little as he slowly slipped his wand back into the pocket of his robes, clearly trying to ignore the rise in volume of the comments coming from around them. The Slytherins in particular had begun to jeer at Severus, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground, and while Lily could not fully understand his desire to fit in with them she felt a sudden wave of sympathy towards her old friend.

She approached Severus, ignoring the added noise as she did so, and said quietly, "we need to talk – tonight. Meet me after dinner in the Entrance Hall." With a brief but clear nod in return, Lily turned on her heel and walked towards the staircase. Her gaze flitted towards the crowd out of the corner of her eye, noticing movement, and found James approaching her as she moved through the corridor.

"What was all that about?" he asked as soon as they were out of earshot of the remaining students. Lily knew exactly what his tone was referring to, but did not let her thoughts linger on that moment in the library; she would have plenty of time to dwell on that tonight.

"We need to sort some things out, as you very well know, so don't you dare go meddling."

Sirius emerged beside him almost as quickly as the remaining two, who were keeping a distance back from Lily but very clearly listening to the conversation. "Don't worry your pretty little head, Evans, we're otherwise previously engaged tonight – taking these two to the Hospital Wing for their stomachs, aren't we Pete?"

Lily watched the small boy nod weakly, and he did indeed seem a little ill, but standing next to Remus he looked positively coloured – if it weren't for Peter's appearance, she would have vowed to check the ceiling at dinner for the presence of a perfectly round moon. Sincerely hoping that whatever it was wasn't too contagious, Lily sent a small smile James' way before moving towards the larger group of people making their way down the array of moving staircases towards the Great Hall for dinner.

While eating her steak and kidney pie, Lily found her attention constantly drifting towards the Slytherin table where she would meet the eyes of Severus every time, his small smiles reminding her of her first year at Hogwarts when he was her only friend. She remembered huddling together with him and whispering of all the wonderful things she had learnt in their classes, his expression never once bored or exasperated no matter how many times she managed to tell the same story out of excitement. Throughout the years their relationship changed, of course, but for a moment Lily was transported back to being a timid little first year seeking out the one pair of eyes she knew were seeking for her in turn, and she liked it.

Sooner than she really expected herself to, Lily had stomached her last bite of custard tart and forced herself to sit for another few minutes before giving into her jittery legs and rising from the Gryffindor table, only now noticing that Severus' place across the room was already empty – perhaps she was not the only one eager to have this conversation.

She found him by the grand staircase fiddling with the clasp on his robes, seemingly unaware of her appearance until she was directly in front of him. He immediately dropped the front of his robes and smiled almost shyly, nodding upwards as an indication to follow. They ascended together in silence, Severus only vaguely leading as they climbed through the castle, but soon Lily began to recognise their path and couldn't stop herself from practically beaming. Stopping halfway along the third floor corridor, Lily instinctively reached out for a doorknob directly to the left of a large and overbearing suit of armour, unsurprisingly finding the door to be unlocked, and let herself inside.

The Charms classroom was a vast and open room with high ceilings and large bay windows that were rarely covered by its thick curtains. Instead, and much like tonight, the windows allowed for a great deal of light to spread throughout the room, and even in the moonlight Lily could still clearly distinguish its layout. She watched as Severus sat down at one of the desks near the back of the room, possibly the one he sat in during classes (Gryffindors and Slytherins never shared Charms classes), but was cast into shadow by his position and looked rather uncomfortable. Lily herself sat in one of the window seats, looking around at the classroom once more.

"Do you remember the first time we ever snuck in here?" Lily asked quietly, a small smile on her face.

Severus' face lit up at the memory, and quickly began saying, "It was our first week here..."

"And we had just been through flying lessons -"

"And you nearly managed to decapitate half of Gryffindor before you realised how to touch back down-"

"I told them not to let me on a broom!" Lily exclaimed loudly, red with embarrassment.

"That was the one class you weren't absolutely brilliant in and you swore never to do it again-"

"Until you stole one of the spare rooms during our break and brought me up here until I wasn't complete rubbish," Lily said, thinking back to those days when Severus would gently help her float above the ground without tearing apart the classroom. He showed absolute patience and kindness towards her during those sessions, never once teasing her for being poor on a broom, for he too had never flown on one before attending Hogwarts – his father had been very strictly against it. "You've taught me everything I know about this world, Sev, and I am forever grateful for that. Who knows where I'd have been without you?"

"Top of every class, still, I've got no doubt. You wouldn't have let anything or anyone best you," Severus replied with conviction, though Lily thought she might have seen colour on his cheeks as he spoke. "Looks like nothing's changed then," he added cheekily, watching for her reaction closely.

Her mouth opened to retort, but a giggle escaped before Lily could do so, and soon she was laughing loudly along with Severus. Of course she knew he was only joking, as they had with each other for years, and somehow the memory of James insulting her earlier on flashed in her mind. There was an obvious difference between the two of them in that respect – Severus was always careful not to upset her, and always had been, which Lily greatly appreciated. James, on the other hand, was not afraid to upset her if it meant speaking his mind and a part of her admired that too, but now was definitely not the time to be comparing them. After all, she had come here in the hopes of reconciling her oldest friendship, and while spending time with Severus like this was comfortable and familiar for her, there was still clear evidence that they were drifting apart.

Lily heard her laughter die away at that thought. "Only everything has changed, hasn't it, Sev?"

"It doesn't have to."

"But it's already begun, and you know it," she stressed. "We used to speak every day and now I barely see you anymore. What's happened to you? Where did you go?"

Lily saw his brow furrow at her words, and he quickly rose and moved over to sit next to her in the window seat. Taking her hand lightly, he whispered, "I'm right here, Lily."

"You haven't been here. I've needed you and you haven't been here!" she cried, as shocked by her own admission as Severus clearly was – he leapt back slightly at her tone but kept a grip on her hand and quickly recovered.

"I've tried to be, I swear I have. But you have to understand, it's not the same for you in Gryffindor. In Slytherin, they all have expectations about what classes we take and how much time we spend in the common room and who we study with. Those first few years here, when I spent all that time with you, they..." he seemed to struggle with his words, "they didn't treat me _badly_, but I got it a lot worse than everyone else. I'm not saying I blame you, because I don't, and I don't regret it either, but since I started spending more time with them in the evenings they've lightened up a bit on it all. Evan Rossier even invited me to stay at his family's vacation home over the holiday break, and it's the first time anyone's ever asked me to join them ...every other year I was the only one left out. "

Lily tried not to cringe at the thought of Severus spending time with the other Slytherins – Rossier was always rude to her, always sure to point out Lily's blood status, even when she had done nothing to him. The entire group was full of prejudiced bigot's who believed people like Lily were below them (even if Lily _did_ beat Rossier and the rest of them in every exam), and the thought of Severus spending the break with them made the prospect of healing their friendship even more unlikely.

"What's wrong?" Severus said, clearly sensing her unease.

"I'm honestly really happy for you that you've begun to fit in with them, Sev, but they despise me and I'm scared you're going to end up despising me too," Lily said, barely a whisper, naively hoping that the gentle tone of her voice would mask the impact of her statement. She really didn't want to think badly of Severus – he was her best friend, after all – but if he continued to spend time around people who constantly said horrid things about her, how could she expect Severus to keep defending her and risk losing his new friends? She didn't want things to be harder for him than they already were, but if he didn't always stand up for her, then maybe his beliefs would begin to change, and he would start to look at her blood status rather than at _her_.

"I could never–why would you think–they don't–" Severus spluttered, his cheeks flamed with anger.

"Yes they do! I've heard what they say about me, Sev, the names they call me. They call me a Mud–"

"Don't say it!" he hissed.

"They do! And one day you might too!"

Severus drew himself up to his full height, fiery emotion clear in his eyes as he cried, "NO! I would NEVER call you that, Lily, NEVER!"

The look Severus gave her was possibly the most impassioned she had ever seen him, and to know that hatred against her caused it was comforting. "I know, Sev. You're my best friend. I'm just scared, and...I miss you."

Severus' shoulders slumped slightly, his brutal expression slipping away to nothing as he stared at her. A small smile flickered across his face for a brief moment, but then he began to walk back and forth in front of the window, seemingly deep in thought. Lily tried to watch him patiently, unsure as to why he was pacing, and thought she ought to say she missed him again; it appeared to have calmed him a little last time.

"Sev?" she asked quietly, pulling him from his reverie.

He stopped his pacing immediately, sitting back beside her on the window seat and staring down at his feet before whispering, "I miss you too." He shuffled a little closer to her on the seat, eyes still keenly averted, before he took a slow, deep breath; Lily felt his exhale tickle her hand gently as he seemed to struggle with his thoughts for a moment. She watched his hand slip into hers again and looked up to find Severus looking at her with an odd expression on his face, almost as if he was nervous. "I'm here now. I know that something has happened, and I want to help you. Just tell me what happened and I'll help you, I promise."

The absolute sincerity in his voice almost sent a chill down her spine. Lily had not heard Severus speak in such a long time, let alone with this much sincerely, and it made her realise just how much she missed her friend. She had always been able to rely on him for anything in the past, and this interaction felt the same as it had before, if not with a slight hint of desperation from each of them. They clearly both wanted this relationship to work, and surely that desire would be enough to get them through this rough patch, wouldn't it? It had to be; Lily didn't know what she would do otherwise.

"It's not my secret to tell. I found out something that I shouldn't have," she said, and Lily herself could notice the lack of conviction in her voice, "and I still haven't quite come to terms with it, but I've sworn not to tell anyone about it."

_And so have you_, Lily couldn't help but think. After all, Severus knew Remus' secret too, but they had both promised Professor Dumbledore never to speak a word of it to anyone. Lily didn't know whether trying to tell Severus that she knew would constitute as breaking that promise, especially considering the similar conversations she had had with James and Sirius, though those circumstances were obviously quite different to now – she was under no pressure or obligation to talk with Severus about the matter. But even with that in mind, Lily still wished to confide in someone who was on her side, in a manner of speaking. James and Sirius were Remus' best friends, and had his best interests at heart above all else, and while James had been so kind to her and helped her through it all as best he could today, he was not her best friend. He didn't know her like Severus did, and Lily thought that perhaps he would understand her reaction better than anyone else given that they had both stumbled upon the secret rather than being told outright. Lily had a strange feeling in her gut that she would be able to continue her recovery, so to speak, all the faster if she did speak with Severus on the matter, and that she would be somehow better prepared to finally admit her knowledge to Remus when the time came.

"I...I want to tell you, Sev," she all but whispered. "I know that I shouldn't, but surely it's not wrong to tell you if you already know the secret?"

She watched his eyes flick up to meet hers at the statement. There was a gleam of intrigue that she wasn't partial to, and for a fleeting moment she wondered if she should keep quiet like she promised, but pushed the thought away – she knew, deep down, that Severus was a good person. He wouldn't do anything wrong just because she spoke to him about it, and besides, the more she considered it the more it seemed like the right decision. After all, Severus surely wanted to talk about it too; he had been keeping the incident quiet like he promised, even when he experienced far worse than Lily had herself, but didn't he deserve some form of closure over it, even if it was just through a conversation with her? Especially when Lily had not been there for Severus through it all, had honestly never noticed a change in him except for perhaps an even greater dislike for James and his friends. They would be helping each other, and where was the harm in that?

"You can tell me," Severus urged suddenly as he squeezed her hand, his complete focus on her.

Lily shut her eyes for a moment, pushing away the rest of her doubt, only to reopen her eyes and find Severus a little closer than he had been before; clearly he realised how important this moment was, how incredibly secret.

"I found out by accident, but I know something about Remus Lupin. He..." Lily paused for a moment, watching Severus' expression carefully; he appeared to realise what she was trying to say, eyebrows creasing together. "Remus is a werewolf."

"How do you know? Did Black tell you? I swear if he even tried-"

"I figured it out on my own; Sirius had nothing to do with it! But I know why you're upset, Sev, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. It must have been terrifying!"

Severus' face paled noticeably. "He told you, did he? Told you how Lupin nearly killed me? How they set out to have me killed!"

"Sev, it was nothing like that! They would never want to kill you! Sirius was very upset that night and he just snapped. I'm certainly not condoning what he did, because it was beyond cruel and thoughtless, but he never wanted you dead, Sev. None of them did."

"So they spun you the same story as Dumbledore, then? And you believe it?"

"Yes, I do. I know you don't get along with them, but-"

"Of course I don't get along with them! They've had it out for me since the day we got here! Just because I was put in Slytherin they've tried to make my life a living hell, and you know it. We used to laugh about them, remember?"

Lily winced at his tone; their conversation had taken a turn for the worst far earlier than she had expected. "Yes, I do. But please don't make this into an argument against them, Sev, because you know very well that I get along with Remus just fine. We both know that he would never hurt anyone of his own choice."

"Do I? He might not have actually done anything to me, but he was sure never to stop Potter or Black from cursing me in the hallway or stealing my bag or whatever else they thought was amusing at the time. Everyone seems to think that he's better than the rest of them but he's just as bad, worse even! He's a danger to everyone here and Dumbledore was a fool for allowing him to come. If people knew was he was there would be an uproar! Imagine what they would think of him then? I couldn't see him getting an invite to Slughorn's stupid little parties after that..."

Lily could hardly stand to listen to Severus continue. She understood that he was upset, but he was practically threatening to tell students about Remus' secret despite being sworn to silence on the matter. Yes, they themselves were talking about it to each other, but they had both previously known and were only discussing it as a matter of closure; Lily had a horrible suspicion that Severus would actually do what he said in order to get some form of revenge over Remus, and that scared her.

"He didn't _choose_ to be a werewolf. He's making the most of a terrible situation and I admire him for it. It can't be easy to go through all of that every month and still manage to keep his grades up, maintain a normal life the way he does." Lily paused for a moment. "But is that why you haven't seen me, because I speak to them? That would be completely unfair of you–"

"Who you speak to isn't my business," he replied curtly, obviously holding himself back.

"You're right, it's not."

"That doesn't mean that I don't worry about you. The other week, you looked awful, and I saw you in the library and I had to see that you were alright."

"But I wasn't alright; you scared me half to death!" Lily exclaimed. "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"

Severus suddenly appeared very hesitant, if not a bit embarrassed, and struggled for a moment before admitting, "I didn't know what to say."

Lily was stunned. "Why? I mean, I know we haven't seen much of each other lately, but we were best friends for years and that can't be changed. We still are best friends, at least on my end. I know we haven't really acted like it; best friends talk all the time and tell each other everything and look out for one another, but we just lost our way. I want to go back to the way it was before, when we did tell each other everything and talked all the time, but only if you're just as willing to try."

"I am," Severus replied eagerly.

"Good. That's great, Sev. So no more avoiding each other in the halls?" she said, only half joking. She recognised that she was at fault too, but the extent to which they grew apart in such a short span of time was still surprising to her, and she intended to fix it once and for all.

"I only avoided you because the other Slytherins would make fun of you, and I couldn't stand listening to them saying those things about you."

Lily knew exactly what he meant. The Slytherins were never shy when it came to insulting her or other muggleborns. They were especially cruel towards her, given that she was a Gryffindor no doubt, and Severus had always seemed uncomfortable around them when it happened. And yet, he had never once defended her in front of his housemates, never did more than shoot her sympathetic glances from behind the group as if he couldn't change anything and that she was doomed to experience their barrage of taunts forever. Lily knew that he would be putting himself in a dangerous position doing so, but a small part of her was still furious that Severus never once spoke his true beliefs to them; she wondered briefly if they knew the real Severus at all, or if he was always so withdrawn around them. She would probably never know, given their circumstances. She just wished with all of her heart that Severus could stand up for her, and for himself.

"What?" Severus asked, clearly sensing her mood change.

"It's just...you don't ever stand up to them. No matter what they call me, you've never stopped them."

"It's not as easy as you think," he mumbled quietly in reply.

"Just be brave, Sev," Lily said.

"I can't be," he said morosely, looking away, "not around them. I'm not brave like you. That's why you're a Gryffindor and I'm not."

Lily couldn't help but laugh at his seriousness as he spoke. "But you are. You're one of the bravest people I know."

Severus looked as if he had been given a particularly hard question in class. "How?"

Lily scooched closer to him on the window seat and said simply, "look at what you've done. You deal with all the stuff your parents go through without losing your mind like I surely would. You're the best in Potions by far, and you don't hide your talent like some would want to. You befriended me, even when your father didn't want you to, and stayed friends with me when all the Slytherins teased you," Lily stopped briefly, thinking through her words carefully. "You care about me, I can tell. Even though they all think I'm scum you still care about me, and that's brave. So long as you care for me, Sev, you'll be brave." Lily reached out and grabbed his hand again, squeezing it lightly and watching as Severus' face lit up with a smile she hadn't seen in a long time.

"Thank you," Severus whispered eventually.

"Thank _you_," she replied, bumping his shoulder lightly.

"So...we're alright, then?"

"Of course we are," she said, giving his hand another squeeze, "I have my friend back." Lily knew it sounded a bit pathetic in her head, let alone out loud, but it was exactly how she felt. Her concerns for meeting with Severus seemed stupid now, looking back. She still didn't quite know what she had been afraid of, but regardless, Severus appeared to be just as relieved as she was to have dealt with the issue and put it behind them. They would be alright, at least for now – she was sure of it.

"Lily–"

She whipped around at the sound of his voice directly next to her ear, not expecting him to be that close, and felt her elbow come into sharp contact with his face. A dull cracking sound was the first thing she heard, followed immediately by Severus' grunt of pain and her own gasp as blood began gushing from his nose without warning.

"Oh, Sev, I'm sorry! Here, let me–"

"Its fine," he muttered thickly, one hand coming up to catch the blood dribbling down his chin and onto his shirt and robes. The other was soon in front of his face with his wand, pointed directly at what was obviously a broken nose.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked softly, still apologising profusely in her head as she stood him up from their spot in the window seat.

"I'm fixing it."

"No, you most certainly are not! I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing – now!"

"Lily–"

"Don't argue with the girl who broke your nose," Lily snapped shortly. "I did this, and now I'm going to fix it. Madam Pomfrey should definitely be the one to heal it, trust me. Please?"

Severus nodded slowly in response before leaning his head back again, allowing Lily to grab his wand arm and lead him from the Charms classroom steadily while trying to avoid dripping blood anywhere. As they made their way towards the Hospital Wing, Lily attempted several more times to apologise, but was cut off by Severus each time with a quick shake of the head; he wouldn't even allow her to clean off the blood as they walked.

Feeling terrible, Lily finally pulled Severus around the corner and knocked heavily against the Hospital Wing door. A few moments later, she could hear footsteps coming steadily closer until the door swung open to reveal Madam Pomfrey in her dressing gown.

"Good grief, Snape, what's happened? Miss Evans got in a good swing, did she?"

Lily tried to deny her, but Madam Pomfrey had already begun to lead Severus towards the closest bed before rushing off to collect some potions from her cupboard. Lily tentatively made her way over to Severus' bed and perched herself on the end, still not making eye contact with him as she sighed deeply.

"I'm so Sorry, Sev, I really–"

"Stop apologising! It's just a broken nose, no big deal," Severus stated. He reached to take her hand but stopped short when he realised it was covered in blood, retracting it with a bashful smile.

"Alright...but I am sorry I wrecked our night, sending you here."

"Don't worry. It's definitely not the worst night I've had in here," he muttered darkly just as Madam Pomfrey returned with a small tray of potions. Before Lily could respond, Madam Pomfrey took out her wand and pointed it towards Severus' face, a sharp click defining his fixed nose as he groaned.

"Now, you'll need to take some of this for the pain," Madam Pomfrey began instructing to Severus, but Lily was already distracted by a thought. She knew well what Severus had been referring to when he spoke, her mind snapping back to Sirius' story from more than a week ago. Once her train of thought reached him, though, a nagging voice in the back of her head reminded her of the story she had been told only hours before about the four of them spending the night in the Hospital Wing, two with ill stomachs. Well, it was clear that they were not present; she and Severus were the only two occupants in the long line of beds, and Lily's gut told her that they had not made their way here tonight at all.

Remembering her vague inkling from earlier, Lily turned slowly to face the row of windows along the Eastern wall of the school, finding them all to be covered by thick heavy curtains apart from the furthermost one directly by Madam Pomfrey's office door. Unable to see through it without moving, Lily chided herself internally. Why had she not taken one look towards the moon all night? And even so, could she be true? Lily could not identify the exact date that she had first followed James up here, but was sure it would have to be about a month ago. And if she was true, that meant that the four of them were out there right now.

Lily's stomach dropped at the thought. She had to know.

Trying to appear relaxed, Lily began to wander down towards the end of the Wing, glancing back over her shoulder to find Madam Pomfrey still speaking with Severus. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she slowly made her way over to the window, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and the sudden moisture on her palms.

Why was she so nervous? After all, she was not even supposed to know about Remus and the others, and James had said himself that they were able to look after him once he transformed. But even the thought of them being out there with Remus made her heart speed, and Lily's mental photographs of their injuries only reaffirmed her concern. What would happen if one of them got seriously hurt? How would they explain that to Madam Pomfrey? They would surely be expelled, and Remus along with them, and Lily was surprised to say that the thought genuinely scared her. After all, the four of them all deserved to be at Hogwarts regardless of all of that, but Lily was not so sure that everyone would feel that way; Severus' reaction was a testament to that. So much was riding on their ability to help Remus without getting attacked.

She hadn't even seen the moon yet, and had no real evidence that they were even out there, but somehow Lily felt like she knew. As soon as she stepped into the light of the large window, looking out at the sky and instantly spotting the perfectly round moon glowing back at her, Lily felt like her heart stopped altogether. She couldn't hold back the loud gasp of shock that escaped her, and both Madam Pomfrey and Severus turned towards her.

"Are you alright, dear?" Madam Pomfrey asked, looking over at her with a concerned expression.

"I...yes, I'm fine," she stumbled, taking another quick look out at the full moon before deciding that she had indeed seen it, and that her mind was not playing tricks on her. "I just realised I forgot something upstairs, that's all." She hoped that would be enough to please Madam Pomfrey, and it appeared to be as the matron turned back to Severus and said that he was free to leave.

Lily was already half way down the corridor by the time Severus caught up with her, pulling her up as she neared the staircase. "What's wrong? What happened back there?"

She found herself in line with another large window, allowing her the perfect view of the vast moon once more, and without realising it, had moved close enough to touch the glass. Lily heard that Severus quickly in tow, and from the tone of his next remark, she knew he understood.

"Oh, right, of course."

Lily shook her head in frustration. "You knew it was tonight, didn't you? You knew and you didn't say anything."

"Why would I? It's not like it affects us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded. "Aren't I allowed to worry about them?"

"Why should you? They chose to be heroes."

"Not all of them have a choice, Sev! Remus doesn't deserve this, no one does, and they're only trying to make the experience easier for him. What's wrong with that?"

Severus barked humourlessly. "What's wrong? You mean other than the dozen school rules they break to do it? The Ministry laws? What about the fact that they risk someone getting hurt just so they can have their little bit of fun?"

Lily didn't know what caused it to happen, whether it was Severus' harsh words, the situation itself getting to her or just her immensely tired body, but she was surprised to find her breathing coming in small gasps as her eyes welled up with tears. Before she even realised what was happening, a small sob escaped her and Severus was there, pulling her into a tight hug.

It was close to five minutes later that Lily's crying began to subside, her breathing evening out as Severus continued to hold her, rubbing comforting circles on her back and keeping his head close to hers. She took one hand from around his back to wipe her face dry, discovering that she had left a large wet patch on Severus robes, but somehow sensing that he didn't mind. He held her for another minute more before letting her step away and regain her composure, but kept a grip on her hand.

Quietly, Lily whispered, "Thank you."

"Thank _you_," he responded with a small smile.

Exhaling softly, Lily said, "We should probably go. It must be close to curfew now, if not over it."

"Alright," Severus said, but did not move from his position beside her.

"Come on," she said more firmly, tugging him towards the staircase.

"Alright, alright, I'm going," he relented, taking half the staircase before turning back and calling, "See you tomorrow, yeah?" The brilliant glint in his eyes as he spoke made Lily's face light up.

"Of course. I look forward to it," Lily said, waving briefly before turning and heading up the opposite staircase towards Gryffindor tower, still with a smile on her face. That is, until she remembered the situation at hand and moved even quicker towards the common room; even Severus couldn't stop her from worrying about the boys.

Finally emerging through the portrait hole, Lily made to head towards the girls dormitory but stopped short when she saw the stream of moonlight on the common room floor. There was no way she would sleep tonight with everything on her mind, not until she knew they were all alright.

Instead, Lily shuffled over towards the fireplace and climbed up into the comfiest couch, making herself comfortable as she watched the few remaining candles burn down to their stump. She let her mind wander as the moonlight coming through the window crept across the rug inch by inch, agonising evidence that she had a long night ahead of her.

And yet, without realising it, Lily slipped into a deep sleep after ten minutes and would not wake until the morning.

* * *

A/N: There you go! Lily and Snape have always been a really interesting friendship/relationship for me, and I'm sure you now realise why it changed so much after the movie - The Princes Tale montage part was genuinely the most emotional part of any HP movie for me - I was sobbing like a baby the whole way through, all 4 times I've seen it! Also, sorry for the excess use of 'Sev', but I love the little nickname and I pretty much overuse them in real life anyway, and I apologise if it got annoying! But yes, up next in the final installment is what you've all been waiting for (hopefully) - Lily will FINALLY talk to Remus! Thanks so much for sticking with me and making me feel like someone actally cares about my writing; if you want to make that warm and fuzzy feeling inside of me continue, PLEASE REVIEW! Much love, Lucia-Swanne :)


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